Saturday, February 16, 2013


I have been in the most awful place for the last few days... I just want to drink myself into a hole and cut myself into ribbons. I need to feel empty. I need to feel light. I need to feel like I'm floating. I'm fasting until Wednesday morning. Coffee fasts are me. I need to feel light. I need to feel light. They can't win. I won't let them win. I'm not worth anything. But at least they won't have to strain to pick up my corpse. I don't even care. I won't let them win. I can't let them win. They can't know that they have beaten me. Ever. They can't win. They can't win. I need to be light. I need to be empty. I have to be empty. 

Melancholy & Infinite Sadness
Xo Xo


Cali Evers said...

I think I have an idea of what you are feeling...maybe. I just ate a crap ton of food. Fasting tomorrow and hopefully the next. I love reading your blog, it is like a habit now. Good luck to you and just so you know.... you are never alone in your struggles. Often I forget that other people across the globe may have similar problems. Hope you feel better and stay strong. Nothing is stopping you but you!

PrettyLies said...

Summary of my life at the moment. I have all these fucked thoughts, you think acting on them would get them out of my system and make it better? False, it'd just create another fucked cycle and nothing would get nowhere.

I love you hon, stay strong.
"Everything feels like the movies, yeah you bleed just to know you're alive."
Um, go listen to Iris by the goo goo dolls. That would be good.

Judith Marie said...

Oh wow, this is a real change of pace from your other posts...especially your last one about your crazy weekend that sounded like more fun than all the fun I've ever had in my life put together.
On the other hand, coffee fasts sound good, sounds reasonable, enough energy in caffeine to get you through. I hope you get your lightness hun, and get to feeling more upbeat soon.
Much love!

ruby-tuesday said...

Sending you all my love and a hug hug x

ꜛⱴאּ Sⱥm ŁupiƝ ҂ said...

awwwwww hang on bb :(
yeah. Jude is right. it's like you suddenly sprung us up with this sad post. it's sad how things like this happen with you most times.
that you can just switch from sad to happy in like seconds my bb
and yeah. coffee fasts are hot [literally].
-Sam Lupin

LovelyPierre said...

I hope you find what you need and things start to feel less dark for you. xx

Anonymous said...

Hey, I hope things get better soon hun <3
Alice xx

Lena said...

Hey girlie,
Just got caught up on your blog. I know how you're feeling, totally get it. Just be strong and think of how well you've been doing on the no-crappy-food diet and how great your book is coming along. Nothing and no one else matters. Stay strong.
Lena xx

Kay said...

I'm so sorry. I hope some light breaks through soon for you! You're not alone!

Little Miss Thin ♥ said...

Sending you some light and love Piggy <3 xx

Smiley Princess said...

Tons and tons and tons of hugs.

Princess xxx

WinterA said...

You never did let them win and you wont.

I don't have any other words of encouragement since I almost feel like I am in the same hole with you. Yay to us.