Tuesday, February 5, 2013

Suicide Bride

Today, I was chatting with a friend... Who may be slightly more than a friend... But for now, let's just call it a friend. I have to say, I'm totally stoked about the idea of a bit of manfriend drama. INTO it. Anyway, so this friend lives up North and he's coming down for four days. He used to live in London, but moved back up to help out on the family farm after he finished his degree. Anyway, so he is coming down for four days this weekend and we're going to *bawm chicca wow waaaaa* - maybe you know. I mean, I'm kinda keen on just being friends, because I am kinda wanting to maybe think about dating again. Sleeping around just doesn't form part of this plan. ANYWAY. I mentioned something about being in hospital and coldplay having been my hospital album. He asked why I was in hospital, so I told him. Because I am not fucking ashamed of the fact that I tried to kill myself twice. I don't care. I don't want peoples shock or judgment. And I especially don't want their pity. But he was like. JESUS PIGGY. Now, I don't want a lecture. And I don't care if people know, because I make no pretenses about the fact that I may be fundamentally screwed up. And you know, at least I have a reason. A reason for everything. Anyway, I'm not sure what significance this had about my post. But you know when some one knows something about you and it kinda changes the way they look at you or feel about you... I think this may have done that. 

Calorie-wise today, it has been good. I weighed myself this morning and I am still paying for that binge from Saturday. I can't fucking believe it. Keep strong, keep strong, keep strong. Anyway, so today I have had one cup of coffee (no honey - TADA!) I'm going to have two eggs and two oranges. With more coffee and that is going to be it today. So today will end up being about... 450 for the day. Which is great. I promise that on Monday next week, I will reveal my weight. I promise promise. 

Peace & Lovekins
Xo Xo


6 comments:

CJ (: said...

Don't worry too much about how he may have taken that news... At first people never take it that well. But I don't think it will drive him away or anything. Wishing you the best. Xxx

TinyRose said...

I feel the same way about people knowing. I just don't even care anymore. I'm really not afraid of their reactions, until after I tell them of course. But if someone asks about it, or we are on the topic of it, I'm not going to deny it, and I'm not afraid of saying it.

Katie Elizabeth said...

Don't stress a whole lot about it. It was probably good for him to see that part of you. Sounds like you're still doing well with your detox. That's great. I can't wait til you reveal your weight. Anxiously waiting over here =)
XOXO

ꜛⱴאּ Sⱥm ŁupiƝ ҂ said...

oh, Kay, what will i do with you
omg xD manfriend drama. i can imagine now. most of my friends are chicks. well then again i am a lezzie. i think it makes sense that i'd befriend the gender im attracted to. :)
*bawm chicca wow waaaaa* - im sorry i might piss myself laughing
"But you know when some one knows something about you and it kinda changes the way they look at you or feel about you..." this usually happens when the 'i'm a lesbian' thing leaves my tongue.
ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh im actually wondering right now
-Sam Lupin

sofia said...

have fun chicka chicka wowwing. hehe. (; and if hes worth it, he'll care even more knowing that fact about you.

thankfully, it only took me two days to get my friday/saturday binge off. but good job on your intake today! im sure itll reward you. (:

stay lovely. <3

Judith Marie said...

See, on the same sorta track as Sammy's comment, that is the exact reason I tend to keep some things to myself and only selectively tell certain things to certain people. I don't want people to suddenly turn away from the persona that I have so carefully built for myself just because of one fact about myself that is so much a part of who I am and is a fundamental thing that has shaped the public persona that I have.
That may have been the worst sentence ever constructed. I hope you at least understood some of it.