Well, the last few days have kinda mostly be alrightish, except yesterday. On Thursday I fasted till I went out, but then drank a landslide of alcohol and as it turns out I lost my wallet, which is SUCH a ballache. But this is kinda okay, because with being seriously hungover on Friday I wanted to eat every carb that I could get my hands onto. But because I had no money and the thought of going into a bank to withdraw cash manually just made me cringe. I was restricted to pasta and sauce (500) and with the exception of some fruit, I didn't actually eat anything else. Yesterday however I bought one of those mini loafs of bread and pretty much ate the whole thing, some of it with a bit of butter and some with uber low cal mayo and avocado. All in all, it wasn't a TOTAL fuck up, because it was still in the low 1000s, but I can't believe how much FUCKING bread I ate. SAD FUCKING PANDA. Okay, wait I just checked the packaging and the bread alone was 980 cals, so add about three tablespoons of butter, about 5 of 15 cals per tablespoon mayo and 1 and a half avocados, probably somewhere in the region of 2000. I suppose though considering that was a nasty binge, it wasn't TOO bad. I'll wait till tomorrow before I weigh myself.
Erm, I'm also actively looking for some extra work, because I'm getting uber depressed about working from home, because everything about being at home is like I NEED TO WORK while I'm here. I don't want my office to be my home you know? Joe and I also had a mini-DTR (define the relationship) conversation. Pretty much, I was drunk as fuck. And I told him that I was so sick of men just wanting to fuck me and that I can't be so much of an appalling person that I was totally undateable. I am going to die alone. So he kinda said the usual thing... like - we're not all like that. So I started shouting at him about how I KNOW he's just in it for the sex, etc etc. He got all pissed off with me and shit. Then I felt like such an asshole. Because, I suppose I know that he isn't like that, but... Dudes, am I being a total fucking idiot here? I WANT a boyfriend. I really do, and I go through phases where I want to be normal and shit, but then I think. You know, my douchebag asshole ex boyfriend totally fucked up my life... Well, I mean. MORE. I became a horrible, insane person and I don't want to let someone have that much power over me ever again. FUCK that. I dunno, maybe I'm thinking too much about it. But I feel like I'm leading Joe into something and then fucking out when he actually acts the way that I like... manipulated him into being. Does that make sense? I mean. This 19 year old (YES, I know.) was following me around on Thursday night and then he kinda tried to assault me with his tongue. I'm sure I remember 19 year olds kissing better than that - WHAT THE SHIT, BRO!? Anyway, so my friend took a pic of me with this boy, who is reasonably cute. And you know what I did, I put it on facebook so that Joe would get jealous. And he did. And then I freaked out about it. Fuck sakes. WHY AM I ACTING LIKE THIS?? Sorry, I know this is such a boring piece of crap post. Apologies. Me ruv you all rong time.
Peace & wait for it.... LOVE