Wednesday, October 2, 2013

And yet still, we battle on.

I don't even know what to say anymore. I know I'm just flat out useless and I feel like I should just fucking give up. I'm never going to be as skinny as my UGW ever again. CRYCRYCRYCRY. I'm just so fucking over the lack of self control that I have. I mean right now for example - all I can think about it going to buy a packet of crisps. The only thing that is stopping me is that I actually did a cheeky weigh in this morning. And lemme tell you, my dearest Piglets. The news - she is NO good. I can't reveal I'm afraid. I can barely stand that I know the number, I just couldn't tell anyone else. It's bad enough that I have to go out in public looking like this... just an average fat girl. Just being average. And fat. Oh look at her pretty hair, pity she's so fat. FUCK. And today, not much better - I had blueberries and zero cal monster (95), beetroot and horseradish soup (122), popcorn *Cry* (138) and then a fucking landslide of veg curry for dinner - granted it was just a lot of coconut milk in there and veggies, but I'm sure it pushed me over 1000. Because why? Because I'm a pathetic hulking mass of a person who is inevitably just a waste of goddamn space. 

Peace & Love
Xo Xo

**EDIT: In other news - I have decided that my curiosity has finally got the best of me and I want to know what my filthy whore of an ex's fiancee/wife whatever looks like, so I unblocked him on facebook, but alas. There is nothing to look at on it. Fucker. Fucker. Fucker. Fuck you, Roy. Cunt whore.**

6 comments:

Emily Anonymous said...

You can be skinny again! Wait until the full feeling goes down, and your hope might come back.

Lena said...

Take it one step at a time, one pound at a time. It seems like it's insurmountable, but it never is. Everything big mountain is just a pile of small clumps of dirt. Start hacking away at the small clumps, and soon you will have moved the mountain. That's how life works.

As for Roy, meh, some good facebook stalking never hurt anyone, and now you can re-block him. No harm done.

Keep your head up, hun.

Lena xx

ꜛⱴאּ Sⱥm ŁupiƝ ҂ said...

noooooo! sweetie, you got there towards your ultimate goal weight before so -
one thing i would recommend is that you stabilise your intake back into a healthy region before dropping it again. i don't know why but bodies are just horrid like this sfkosg35f; just a side note!
another thing i would also recommend
plus you are not a hulking mass of a person that is a goddamned waste of space. you're FP :) and i love you.

-Sam Lupin/George DiCaprio (think I forgot about this, huh?)
PS. Roy is a cunt. :)

Miranda said...

I know how you feel and it's the worst. I feel like a fat whale and it's all I can do to go out every day and face the world pretending im ok.

Calla Lily said...

You will definitely be skinny again! Give yourself a few days off to just eat as you please and NOT, I repeat NOT worry about it. You need to stabilize yourself where you are, then you can work towards your goals from a firm foundation. Hang in there and keep blogging, dearest. XO

Anna Stone said...

There is ALWAYS tomorrow. No meal is irreversible. No weight is permanent. I know shitty weigh ins make us feel hopeless, but trust that you are more in control than you feel right now.

And what you listed today wasn't that much, and it sounded like really healthy, good foods to be putting in your body. And eating healthy helps keep your weight under control, so that binges won't throw you off as much.

Stay strong love, tomorrow is a NEW day.