Monday, June 23, 2014

Feeling Guilty For Feeling Full

You know, it is the one single thing that I hate the most about this curse of an ED blessing?. Even if I am within my calories for the day, like I am today... I still feel like the fattest fuck on this planet for feeling full. Or for eating enough that I don't feel empty. I hate it, I hate it, I HATE IT! It's when I feel like this that sometimes I wonder if I don't actually want to recover. Who am I kidding? Never. 

I basically spent the whole weekend binging, although I didn't binge Monday to Friday last week. Today, I've had somewhere in the region of 800 cals which consisted of cereal (150), chocolate (200... I think) and fried rice (rice, peas, tomato, peppers, olive oil, mango chutney,chili and garlic - 550 is my guess). I bet it is probably more. Anyway, As long as I keep losing gradually, it will be okay. My stomach is looking flatter these days and I want to try and do a few squats per day. 

Dr Dave update. He said I love you, I kinda love him too. I definitely love him loads actually. He annoys me though, but the things that annoy me about him are also the things that I love about him. He's awesome actually. He told his overly Jewish mother about my non-Jew status and allegedly, it didn't go too badly. All in all, it was a pretty good weekend for us. UPDATE on the ex-gate from last weekend - he apologised for ages. I think that sometimes I don't give him credit for being a genuinely nice guy, even though I look at these situations that he puts himself in and wonder what the fuck he thinks he is doing. As much as I gave him shit about seeing her, in his defense he never lied about it - he told me exactly what he was doing, where he was going and promised to tell me every little detail about the encounter. I guess, I'm just being a dickhead - because I'm giving him shit for being a nice guy who doesn't lie to me. Maybe I was being a bit unreasonable after all... 

Weight to follow tomorrow, maybe. :)

Peace & Love 
Xo Xo


Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ│͍͢⃝Ṣαᵯ ȽuРіῄ│❀✿ ⱴ⁄ said...

i want to punch through a brick wall for the opposite feeling. i feel like if i feel any emptier, i'd just about curl up and die.
weekend binges are the absolute worst. le sigh.
chocolate! :3
squats per day? *whistles*
can't have love without being annoyed at them. that's what spouses and marriages are made of. they must be doing something right if they stay together all these years.
he's a man. he doesn't know why the fuck he does the things he does. there. problem solved. :P
i'm glad he didn't lie to you though. do forgive him. if it's more than a one time thing, string up his cock on a clothing line for show.

-George DiCaprio/Sam Lupin

Christie Needs To Lose Weight said...

I keep to my calorie limit most of the time, but I feel like a pig as well. I understand how you feel :(
I binge too. Everyday. On junk food mostly, which is my problem.
Squats >< aargh I've never done those.