Monday, June 16, 2014

I'm Who I Am...

I've managed to not lose anymore, but then I've also managed to not gain. I'm very fat though. Summer is coming up and I've kinda totally had enough of being fat. My life is finally in order and I am not going to let being fat ruin that. Today I have had 750 cals about consisting of beetroot juice (I'm trying to anti-oxidise, 80), special K crisps (95), vegan pie with ketchup (500) and almond milk hot chocolate (80). These are rough numbers of course. 

I'm really have a bit of a family issue at the moment, because my mother moved to England like two weeks ago and I haven't seen her, I don't want to see her - I just don't want her or any of my family involved in my life. They are all toxic to me. I mean - they don't seem to understand that I am just a private person, I keep to myself and I literally don't want anyone to input on my life. I consider my life to be my business and absolutely no one elses. It just kinda upsets me that they don't understand me at all. They try and they just either can't see it or they don't understand it. On the one hand, it makes me sad, because I just want them to be happy, but on the other. I don't want to have them in my life. I don't know what to do. Actually, I won't do anything, because I really don't want them in my life. 

I feel like I've worked very hard to make this life for myself, a life that I am not only proud of, but one which makes me really happy. I'm working towards a promotion, I've got my personal life together, good friends, a lovely boyfriend. Now... they are here and they will tear it all apart. I will never do anything unless I want to. With family, you are obligated to do things, I don't do that. I do things because I want to, not because it is expected of me to do them. 

I don't know if anyone can relate. My family are not bad people... well not. Like. THAT bad. I just don't want them in my life. 

Family & Frustration
Xo Xo

3 comments:

Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ│͍͢⃝Ṣαᵯ ȽuРіῄ│❀✿ ⱴ⁄ said...

you kept on disapppearing and reappearing, my love.
oh my you're still vegan.
toxic families. that's what families are, right?
i'm glad everything seems to be up to par for my lady. x
"I do things because I want to, not because it is expected of me to do them." i like this. i am a confusing person i try to accept the things that is expected of me to do. the cultural thing here is whatever the parents say, you are expected to do regardless of how wrong they are or whatnot. you cannot say no to the parents. it just doesn't exist here and it is so disrespectful not to listen.
i get what you mean. your life is your life. you don't want them telling you do this or do that, or you shouldn't have done this or that. it is your life. i do understand that aspect.
it's just - family is family, it is kind of confusing to separate yourself from them if you get what i mean. they somehow will find a way to input in your life. at least around here. can't say much about there.

-Sam Lupin

lisajanecl said...

Perhaps it's your perception that your family want to be involved and "input" on your life when maybe they don't?

Often, you will find, people care far less than you think they do.

Skylar Rainn said...

Boy have I missed you =p