Wednesday, March 21, 2012

The Fattest Piggy

I have eaten none stop for two weeks and I am wondering why exactly it is that I am so fucking enormous? The fat on my thighs, under my chin is killing me. I didn't binge today, I stuck to my calorie range, tomorrow will be the same. I am such a fat fucking whale enormous obese pig. These meds had better kick in soon, they are supposed to control binges. That fucking Whore must have lied to me. Control binges, no mutha fucker - these cause fucking binges. Jesus fucking christ. After this week of being in control, I am sure that I can get to my UGW soon. Fuck all I talk about is reaching 55. WILL IT EVER COME!? Although, proudly - I had the hugest family dinner last night and ended up staying up till 7am watching series and the whole time I was saying to myself that after one more episode I will go get breakfast since technically I haven't slept, so technically it's still today and tomorrow will be a better day. One look at my fat disgusting pigass of self in the mirror on a bathroom break set that shit up just fine.

My ex and I have still been in contact. Right now, I am typing on his love laptop. *cry* I can't let him suck me back into this shit. I won't. I have resolved to take my notebook with me to my shrink before I leave so that we can discuss the shit in there. I don't know if it is a good idea, but I know she will guide me through it. Whether she thinks it will be helpful or not. I don't know. I just want to leave already. I have this bad feeling that something is going to happen. And then what? Fuck it. I better hear about my visa before Friday. I am going to have a panic attack. I also need to start packing my shit, but it's like I am putting it off until I know for certain that I am going, because right now it doesn't feel like it will EVER happen.


Oh - Is the following really lame? I have been hankering some literary shit down into some word docs and I was kinda thinking of actually dedicating myself to writing a fucking novel. Christ - what am I saying. I think it is lame, I don't necessarily think I write well, I am a lawyer and I don't know if what I have to say is legit. But it could be a project? Like I'm thinking maybe of just stringing some shit together and see if it goes anywhere. Wow. Don't be too harsh on this idea. There are a million people that want to do the same thing. Fuck me. This is a bad idea.

Fat & Acne
Xo Xo


Kandie said...

One day I hope to write a novel too, I'd say go for it. I've had a few false starts (I can never seem to commit to one idea long enough to get the whole story out).

Anonymous said...

If you want to do it then you should definitely do it :)
Alice xx

Judith Marie said...

Hey pretty lady,

Firstly, what your whore lady obviously didn't tell you is that those meds can take up too 4-6 weeks to get to having any effect. Once they kick in they are fabulous but until then you won't feel any different. I almost LOL'ed at your post because of it! The reason you are having binges and whatnot is because the meds haven't had time to work yet. You've only been taking them, what, a few days? Keep taking them religiously for a month and you'll be feeling chipper by then!

And you know, you go to London soon. So just focus on that and focus on writing a novel, and forget everything about what happened with your ex and whatnot. Because all that is OVER! And you are going to start a new, better life very, very soon!

Get to feeling better and stay on those meds!
-Judith Marie

❤ ♥ Sam [Misha] Lupin ❥ ❣ said...

this letter has been sent by George (baby, fuck you for being so fucking beautiful firstly) and seocndly, this letter has been sent by fucking George.

binging is a pain in everyone's ass. it's hard to break it. i'm glad you did. forget the past. focus on doing right today and none of those "if i wasn't binging for x days, then i'd be at my GW right now." because you suck if you think like that. *kisses cheek* my adorable baby girl.

...babe. you do know that meds take a while to take effect, right? least 3-6 weeks before it shows even the slightest change? it takes a while for meds to act on your body. for example, a study showed that Citalopram which is an SSRI drug for OCD and ED's show a 10% in symptoms, but only after at LEAST a period of 3 weeks.

i know that 'it's not technically tomorrow thing' so bad.

your ex is a whore that needs to be raped by my amazing dick.

NO. it is not a bad idea. write, write, write!!! you can read my novella if you want. :) i wrote a book (unpublished but i still wrote one). writing is my LIFE.

...should i write that in my personal statement? fuck no.

-George DiCaprio

Anna said...

Hey girl!
Im new to your blog, came across it just now. Looks amazing, love the vibe. The bottom line of your post said acne, do you have acne?
I have had acne since i was 14,, im 22 now.. sucks right

Love! Anna