Last night I spent the evening... 4 hours of it. On skype with my sister drinking wine and ended up getting absolutely fucking shitfaced with her on skype. It was absolutely lovely. Then out of the blue - I went to a place that I haven't been in quite some time now... I was sad and lonely drinking, crying about missing Roy. No jokes kids. I was crying like I used to six months ago. About Roy. I've been thinking about it all day today about why I went to that place again... and I can't really figure out why. I think it may have something to do with the fact that I am lonely and do want to date again - but who, how and where. Kinda vibes. I wouldn't even know how to approach something like that. Basically, I just need to be patient. I'm not a bad person. My goal for this week is to not say negative things. No more negativity. An aside, my best friend got broken up with her by her boyfriend of two years - about two hours ago. Wait for it... OVER THE PHONE! Fuck sakes. He is such an ass. Incidentally, I dated the same guy like two years before they started dating for like... a month. And he broke up with me via text. Although, I had engineered it that way - so not really analogous. Basically, I had told him that I was meeting him at 11pm or whatever it was. After sending him a message saying "we need to talk" and then I just didn't show up. My strategy back in those days was basically to piss the guy off as much as humanly possible to get him to break up with me... So... it worked. Not proud. I swear, not proud. OKAY, maybe a little bit proud.
Anyway, so today I had lunch with that Polish guy that I was dating last year - Tomasz. We had the longest lunch in the world. Really. Like five hours of lunching. And we just chatted and caught up, since I haven't seen him since last year... October-ish? Which was a total disaster. I think I thought for those five hours today that maybe I had made a mistake by not pursuing things with him. But as it turned out, I fucking didn't. I mean - he is great because I can talk about myself non-stop and he doesn't mind. Also, he is quite hot. Butttttt, I dunno. There is very little fire there. No spark. Fuck that. Anyway, it was really nice to catch up with him.
Right - I've also realised that drastic measures are needed to get my fucking weight under control. I'm fucking disgusting. So as of tomorrow. I am on a 500 cal per day diet again. I can't be lenient with myself anymore and allow a fat piggy 800 cals a day. It just isn't working. So, luckily - there is this new "mainstream" diet called the 5:2 diet where you eat normally for 5 days and then have two days a week of 500 cals. So there are loads of meal plans. So that's what I'm going to do. Here is one of the meal plans. Anyway, so that's the plan. I will give a full update on what works and what doesn't work. Let's call this my diarised 500 cal experiment. I mean. Fuck it - so many people ask me how to do it. And even though I refuse to give ana advice. I'll keep you all posted. Cuz the problem is that I can't be exhausted at work all day. It just doesn't work for me. I've got to be sharp and perform. So I need to do that. I also need to be better about cooking for myself instead of eating crisps all the time. DUDEs. Feeling all inspired and shit over here. Let me know what you think. Also, look. I know this is a crazy idea - but if any of you are in London - let me know right? And we should... I dunno. Get in touch. Buddies in ED for life.
Peace & Love