Sunday, May 19, 2013

Scratches be damned.

I suppose this weekend has been vaguely interesting. The sheer quantity of alcohol that I've had has meant that I haven't lost as much as I would have liked... but on the plus side. I haven't binged in three days, today will be my fourth. I've set myself little targets for not binging. So a binge is anything more than 800 cals per day and my goal was to not binge for 3 days. So technically, if today turns out as a binge it won't be the end of the world, but because I've drank so much that technically they are binges cuz the calories in booze you know - I'm going to try and make it another three days. So today until Tuesday. It's so fucking stupid the way that we make rules like this for ourselves. Like honest to god. I don't really understand how we justify certain things most of the time fuck me. Anyway, on Friday night though I was drunk at home and feeling sad about something indecipherable to me right now - although I'm sure it was a legitimate thing at the time. So I scratched my arms... I was so angry that I didn't even get a chance to get a knife. Now my arm looks like I've been attacked by a fucking puma. Honestly, Piggy. When will this stop? There is also no way of explaining the scratches, because they are all around my arm. Fuck sakes, so now I have to attempt to cover my arms for work so that no one sees my fuckedupness spilling over. Also, don't worry about my purging on Friday. Firstly, I didn't eat a lot so it wasn't really that much to bring up again. Secondly, I was just in a hating kind of mood. You guys know how I feel about purging... I really don't like it. And I only ever purge when I feel like I want to peel my own skin off - self-loathing. You know the drill. Anyway, so don't worry, it won't become a habit. Like the cutting, scratching whatever - purging just... happens sometimes. When you don't know what else to do. I still hate it though. 

In other news, I went to a braai yesterday (BBQ for the non-South Africans) and I met this really cute guy, but fuck me sideways and call me Charlie, he is studying to be an operational procedure... something. Basically, a step down from a doctor. They help out in surgery. And even though he was cute as a button and totally single - he just yacked on about all this medical stuff for ages. Now look - don't get me wrong - there is nothing sexier than a cute boy and at one point I actually thought - hey not only a jock - because we started on about politics. But he kept talking about things medically related that obviously, us non-meds would know nothing about - almost like he was trying to prove how awesome he is. I don't go to parties and start talking in legal jargon - no one gets it - or start talking about the mechanics of a wind turbine. Fucking hell. Anyway, I think he was quite... Whatever though. No point in really even talking about it. Also, remember that guy that I met about six months ago that I found on fb and then asked out.. Then he turned me down basically. He was there. It was so awkward, especially because when he saw me he did a total rubber-neck to see me. Which i pretended not to see. Even though the med guy was a total cop out. He was still easily the hottest guy at the party and fuck be damned, he was bee-lining me, so Andy - eat your heart out. I think he may have had a girlfriend there though - but if I'm right about this, she was short and mousey looking. So, I don't feel bad about it. Fucking losers. You know - the weird thing is that the people at the braai are the cool kids in highschool. I was never one of them, I still don't get along with them really. I feel like I always want to talk about interesting subjects, but they want to talk about beer pong and failed relationships. I tend to steer away from those. Anyway, it's nice however to be able to say at the end of the day - I'm still fucking better than you. I'm taller. I'm thinner. I'm blonder. I'm prettier and I have a way better job. So fuck them. Wow, this has turned into quite a rant hasn't it? Sozzles. 

Love & Scratch
Xo Xo

3 comments:

Anna Stone said...

It's crazy how easy it is to act on our impulses, even despite being for/against certain things. I hope the purging/scratching was just a fluke, neither are fun worlds to hang around in. Stay strong. And the last part of your post, make that a daily mantra!

Darpy Dooves said...

Oh I've been scratching horribly lately >:C it's no fun and my arms are always sore, plus I think some might be getting infected from doing outdoor work. Bluh! Hope it was just a thing that happens for you and good for you about being tall, thin, and blonde <3 I'm sure you're gorgeous!

ꜛⱴאּ Sⱥm ŁupiƝ ҂ said...

alcohol binges bitchez
"I don't really understand how we justify certain things most of the time fuck me." story of my life
i mean like i have a fear of Rachel having an ED when i know she doesn't and cry every time she doesn't eat properly even though she has had no history of an ED or a significant weight change and its just bad Sam not everyone has an ED
you had a very aggressive cat
:(
im still sad about that. it broke my heart you know
you're my pretty FP <3 you're my K <3
i died
i am studying TO BE A DOCTOR WHY DON'T YOU WANT ME
'he just yacked on about all this medical stuff for ages' ISNT IT COOL
omg blonder
yes
youre blondness is hot
and stop being thin. give it to me.
-Sam Lupin