Thursday, January 29, 2015

Will The ED Thoughts Ever Leave?

I'm not sure if the ED thoughts will ever stop... In a lot of ways going on this Kayla Itsines journey has been good for me, because it has helped me to stop the catastrophic thinking and getting completely off the wagon. I mean, I eat three balanced, smallish meals per day about 1200 cals max, I don't have many starving days at the moment (for the first time in years), but. The question that has been rolling around in my head is whether the ED thoughts will ever stop. I mean - to me, this is just another way of achieving the skinny look that is so beautiful. I will get strong and then I will be muscley and lean. Drop the calories a little more, obsessively eat clean food, no drinking and smoking. Is this any different? I suppose it's healthy in a body context, but we all know that the disease of an ED is more of a mental risk than a physical one... so... is it better? One obsession for another. Will it ever stop... I don't think so. 

I leave for San Diego in two days. I will not go off track while I'm there. Salads for me. 

Peace & Love
Xo Xo


Sheila said...

Well they can go away....but you are not at the point yet where you try to eat like a normal person and try to accept your body and trust it.recovery is a is just very difficult.i am trying and failing over and over again....

désespérée de maigrir said...

I think eventually these thoughts can disappear. And I think that fitness regimes (and plant-based eating) can also really aid in getting to that healthy place. But, orthorexia is a real problem too - it's just the same sort of obsessive patterns in a somewhat-less-physically-destructive package.

But ultimately, I would argue that it's better to be focusing on eating healthy, nourishing food than starving. Are you familiar with the blog Going Raw? The author is an ED-recovered nutritional counselor and she has a great cookbook too. I had two sessions with her late last year and she gave me some really great advice that for the most part I've been able to continue practicing. I know you're already following a program, but you may want to look into it.

Enjoy sunny San Diego!