Friday, November 20, 2015

When The Wheel Fall Off

There really is something pathologically wrong with me - like. I am incapable of not fucking things up. I'm just not a very nice person. So summary of the last week - I went ham on Colbey and I think things are pretty much done now. Basically, he had said that we would hang out on Saturday and on Saturday at 6pm I had still not heard from him, so I went ham - telling him he was an inconsiderate cunt etc, etc. Then at about 8pm, he uploaded some pics to facebook with his friends (a few with this girl who he looked very cosy with and I'm fairly certain they are porking) - anyway, so then I REALLY went ham - because he had not replied to any of my texts - then he replied and made the point that I had never actually expressed any commitment about these plans, but rather left it as - I'll decide tomorrow - kinda vibes. SO. It was kinda my fault. The whole thing - he told me I was high maintenance. 

Then I went out on Saturday on a reasonably empty stomach (I'd had a thins sandwich that day, so 200 cals) - and drank a SHITLOAD of tequila. I apologised to Colbey on Sunday and we have texted since, but he certainly isn't as interested as he was - I'm convinced that it is because he is dicking that short girl. It's because I'm fat - I know it. Fuck her. Fuck them both. 

From Saturday night till yesterday, I have been ill - like really, really ill and couldn't really eat. Except for one bingey carby meal that I forced myself to eat. Horrible. Anyway, but yesterday and today have been good days. 

I haven't left the house in days, I'm ignoring everyone on text. I want to go to sleep and wake up in three weeks. 

The silver lining is that I have a lead on a new contract which I should hopefully start next week - so at least this week will be my one and only of unemployment for a while. 

Peace & Love
Xo Xo

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