Saturday, December 10, 2011

Cycles of Starving

I was wondering you know, about how it is that you are motivated for a while and then you lose it and fatten up. Then reading some of the other blogs (I FINALLY GOT A CHANCE TO CATCH UP - FUCK YEAH!) and I noticed that everyone is in a similar cycle at the moment. What do I mean? The last week has been a 'I reached my GW1 and now I can eat a little more' funk - then I looked in the mirror and my god, I have put on like 4lbs in this last week and I LOOK LIKE DUMBOS BIG SISTER FATPIGLEPHANT! Anyway. But I know that I have done this before. Where you get down to a nice weight *starve starve starve starve* and then you let it go for a while, fatten up, pig out, stretch those piggy thighs and then get a shock when you see yourself or weigh yourself and you are a fat fucking disgusting pig - then the cycle starts again. You gain motivation. Start the three day fasts, fruit fasts, soup diets, juice fasts, ABC, SGD, water fast, 500-cal restrictions. You know what I mean?

That's where I am today. I got my period yesterday - so obviously, I look like a blue whale. So today, I am either going to 500 cal it, or I am going to fruit fast - coffee and diet coke fast. Maybe. Either way. If I don't lose by tomorrow, then I am going to fast tomorrow. Actually, I think I am feeling a fruit fast. I really enjoyed it last time. I am so fat. :(

SO, a couple of things. I am so terrible at responding to comments, it is fucking disgusting. I am 24. Also, if you want to BBM me, email me your pin, or leave yours, I dunno. I am keen. :) I really enjoy talking to my George on BBM, so I am assuming everyone is just that awesome. Life has been so hectic and busy lately that I haven't had a chance to get back to emails from people and I am so sorry if I haven't. Also I am finding it hard to keep up with the blogs of my new followers. I haven't even looked at most of the new profiles. So please, if your blog is awesome and inspirational and amazing - as all my followers are :D then leave a comment and I shall check it out.

People are at me about my weight. My ex said I look like a heroine addict. People are saying I am TOO thin. OH yes, which brings me to my next point. I always think that once my BMI hits 18.5 then I will be skinny looking. I didn't account for the lbs leading up to that, that maybe I already look skinny. Which you know, fuck it, I don't think I do. My mother told me that I look shocking, my best friends are at me about it - although the one is just worried that my 'bulimia' will become dangerous and the other I am sure is just really jealous that I am thinner than her for once. Suck it up and starve bitch. I love her - so this isn't meant in a bad way. But if you are jealous, then put down that fucking cheese sandwich for god sakes.

Enough ranting from me for today I think.

Love & Skinny
Xo Xo


Judith Marie said...

OMGOSH I know exactly what you mean when you talk about the cycles. I am totally, totally, TOTALLY doing that right now. Massive binging and weight gain. I'm hoping it ends soon and by that I mean, tomorrow!

Gosh, I wish I had BBM. I had to google what that was! Unfortunately I'm using a super old nokia and desperately waiting for the iPhone5 to be released.

I don't know if I believe there is such thing as too thin, expect maybe the people who are BMI 14 and just skin and bones really. But that must be the eating disordered part of me talking. Sometimes I find the people in Ana docos fat. Which only half worries me.

I've missed your comments on my blog pretty lady. But only if you have the time. We're all busy people after all!

Christina said...

I hate those cycles. I'm just getting back into the restriction phase myself and I have to say that I'm getting results. However I am terrified that it wont last.

One thing that scares me is that I wont know what "too thin" looks like. I'm beginning to get remarks about being awfully thin but I don't see it. Maybe our self perception is completely screwed up :)

You are more than welcome to have a nosey around my own blog however I must warn you that it is just filled with my depressive screwed up ramblings.


Anafly said...

Sometimes they can be alright as you can sense what is coming and you're not completely out of the loop. What annoys me most about them though is that you can be on top of the world one second, restricting and losing weight but then the next second you can lose all motivation, eat like crazy and then get into a depressed little slump.

I'm at the awkward stage at the moment where I have tons of motivation and incentive but I'm depressed with the slow progress and the days where the food isn't avoidable; it doesn't help I have my period either haha.
I find that comments about being 'too thin' and whatnot just spurs me on further and makes me more determined, what about you?
I love reading your blog.

HeatherMB said...

its been soo long since i last read ur blog! n im soo proud to see youve lost soo much weight since ileft, you must look amazing right now! and i wish i could lose as much as you <3
good luck darling :]
and i know what you mean by the cycles

lovelyrain said...

I agree with your cycle theory completely, but for me it's more 300/400 calorie days and then like 1400 cal days at least once a week and it totally halts my weight loss.
The main thing that I miss is peppermint mocha from starbucks, and I haven't been doing well without it, but its like 400 calories.


I'm so jealous.. I dream about hearing that I'm too thin!

You know, I had eating disorders, lets call it anorexia.. but then I put on weight and now I'm fat I feel so bad! I need to loose some weight but I just cant.. So your blog gives me inspiration and motivation! thank you!

By the way that I really like it!– I read it with alot of pleasure. I adore blog like yours so.. I just wonder..if we could follow each other..Please answer! But even if your answer is “no” I’ll be still your reader.
I really need your support.

with love,
your opinion is VERY important for me!

Bones said...

I go through those cycles all the time... my weight has a ten-pound range, and when I get to the bottom, I slack off and shoot right back to the top. Doesn't it suck when people nag you about your weight? I was cold at work today, and my snarky coworker was all, "well, maybe you should put on a few pounds." As she stands there munching chocolate. Anyway, you'll get through it, hang in there, and thanks for your comment! xx

Jinx UnRiddled said...

Hey. I know what you mean - I always get close to my goal and then... BLOAT. Or something - I lose focus and I gain again. It's just not fair.

Anyway, congrats on getting so low. I don't want to sound like i encourage a DISEASE, but I don't think anyone should stop until they're happy - it's your body, you have to live with it, not anyone else.
Please yourself, not your friends <3

A.beautiful.mess said...

I totally agree with what you said about cycles. I was doing so well last week and now my self control and eating has been shit. I hate it.

This week I'm supposed to be doing a fruit/veg/soup fast but it's going so badly.

What you ex said about your spring roll was a dick ass thing to say but he knew just what to say to hurt you. It sucks when people do that.