Friday, December 2, 2011

"Good" News

It looks like I'm not going to die. Which is good, right? Ahh fuck. Man. I'm still going to be here for another week at least. Okay so normal ALT levels are 0 - 40. On tuesday mine was 300. Then on Wednesday instead of dropping they went up to 4900. Then yesterday they dropped to 4300. Which is apparently good news. So now they are pumping me full of this rat poison drug, but its good as far as I know because I guess anything is better than a fucking transplant. But yes, let's hope that more than a third of my liver survives, because then I'm toast. The boy came to visit yesterday. He brings lunch for two and we eat. I'm slowly coming to terms with us being over. Which is nice of course. But then yesterday he came here and was touching my leg and making inappropriate eye contact. He also did this thing that we used to do when we were still... (in love/happy/together) where we would look at each other and blink but keep eyes closed for a second or two. It was an "I love you" thing. He did that yesterday. Not. Cool. *cries* I don't need more confusion. I want him to mean it. But he doesn't. So today we are going to have an awkward conversation. I'm so sick of being here. I can feel myself get fatter and fatter. Gonna be like 70 when I get out of here. Fuck fuck fuck!! :( :( Then its graduation so I'm going to have to fast as soon as I get out. I'll do the fruit fast again for my liver :) :) I am also really fucking bored. I wish I had internet. God - no more fucking overdoses. This is bullshit. Two weeks in hospital and a damaged liver. Goddammit. Thanks for the comments and support lovely petals. It means so much to me! Peace & Hope Xo Xo


Judith Marie said...

Woooohoooo!!!! The liver enzymes are getting less and less deranged! Go liver regeneration! Isn't the liver an amazing organ?

It's good that you're slowly coming to terms with your relationship with the boy. Sucks that he's giving you mixed signals? Maybe he's just showing his support but he's so used to being in a relationship with you that he doesn't know how else to do it? I'm just guessing of course.

Rat poison? Is this warfarin? That's the only rat poison medicine I know of. It's good though, stops you getting blood clots. Nice that you probably won't need a transplant though. A thoracotomy is fucking painful shit.

Well, all in all, that's not a very long hospital stay. You'll be out for graduation, which is great! ARe you sure you're not just retaining fluid? If you are, you'll lose all the weight once you're diuresed.

A.beautiful.mess said...

Yay on you getting better. Transplant is so hardcore so it's great that your body is fighting back.

Just when you think you getting over him and coming to terms with what the situation is, boys have a nasty way of being nice or backtracking and you're back to being all confused and unsure of where you stand.

Or maybe he just feels bad and he is unsure how to act. He still cares but he doesn't know how to show it. Who knows what goes through a boy's head.

I'm sure you're not gaining weight, it's just fluid retention from all the meds you're on. Plus you probably just feel like that because you're laying around.

Lots of love

SkinnyNinny said...

I am so glad that you're doing better! The body is an amazing fighter, no? I'm sorry the boy is confusing you....typical male sigh. Keep getting better!!

abbifa said...

I'm so pleased to hear that you are getting better, been thinking of you since I read your blog post.

sorry the ex is confusing you, instead of trying to figure out what he is thinking and feeling, just work out what you want and tell him. The most important person in your life is you, and you should always come first.

as the others say, any weight gain in likely to be water from the meds and feeling bigger generally because you can't move about as much. once you are out the bloating will go and you will be more active....just please don't push yourself too hard, your body ans gone through a trauma and will still need more time to recover, as will you.

take care hun and please keep updating us when you can


miss alisha said...

I just finished catching up on your blog! Sorry I've been out of touch lately, I'll make a post explaining. Congratulations on getting your law degree! That's incredible! I am seriously so proud of you! What are your plans for the future, are you applying to any firms? Ahhhh, this is so exciting!!!

I'm really sorry, though, about all this time in the hospital. I hope you get better really quickly so you can get back out there and start living your life.

By All Means said...

Yay I'm glad your feeling better!! And I'm sorry about the confusing boy situation. Those always suck so much. But just keep taking care of yourself!

Kandie said...

I'm glad to read that you are improving, and seconding your motion of no more overdoses.

What your ex is doing is wrong. He probably feels confused right now, because of the overdose. Sometimes when life and death things happen at rough times the old "I love you" feelings are stirred up again, but it doesn't last as all the reasons why we won't work out are still there. It's best not to act on any decisions to get back together until the crisis is offically over and passed. I've known a few relationships that went on too long because of these kinds of things.