Friday, December 2, 2011
It looks like I'm not going to die. Which is good, right? Ahh fuck. Man. I'm still going to be here for another week at least. Okay so normal ALT levels are 0 - 40. On tuesday mine was 300. Then on Wednesday instead of dropping they went up to 4900. Then yesterday they dropped to 4300. Which is apparently good news. So now they are pumping me full of this rat poison drug, but its good as far as I know because I guess anything is better than a fucking transplant. But yes, let's hope that more than a third of my liver survives, because then I'm toast. The boy came to visit yesterday. He brings lunch for two and we eat. I'm slowly coming to terms with us being over. Which is nice of course. But then yesterday he came here and was touching my leg and making inappropriate eye contact. He also did this thing that we used to do when we were still...
(in love/happy/together) where we would look at each other and blink but keep eyes closed for a second or two. It was an "I love you" thing. He did that yesterday. Not. Cool. *cries* I don't need more confusion. I want him to mean it. But he doesn't. So today we are going to have an awkward conversation.
I'm so sick of being here. I can feel myself get fatter and fatter. Gonna be like 70 when I get out of here. Fuck fuck fuck!! :( :( Then its graduation so I'm going to have to fast as soon as I get out. I'll do the fruit fast again for my liver :) :)
I am also really fucking bored. I wish I had internet. God - no more fucking overdoses. This is bullshit. Two weeks in hospital and a damaged liver. Goddammit. Thanks for the comments and support lovely petals. It means so much to me!
Peace & Hope