I am starting the moving process today. Last night was my last night with him in our home. Tonight onwards, I am housesitting at my mothers house while they are away, then I am going to move into my new place. GOD. I can't believe this day is here. I am anxious as fuck. GOD GOD. FUCK FUCK. Feel like I'm about to have a panic attack, or cry, or scream. I keep wishing that he'd ask me to stay, not that I would, but just that I would know that this isn't over. I mean today. It's over. IT IS OVER. Fuck I don't know what to do with myself. I don't want to leave, just a couple more hours then it's all over. It hurts. Like a mutha fucker - it hurts.
I also hate christmas and am boycotting it this year. I am working straight through and hopefully this time tomorrow I can forget all about it. I HATE CHRISTMAS!
I wish I could die. God, that's all I want.
Anyway, yesterday I ate like a pig. I had four brownies, a cheese sandwich and some rice with dinner. FUCKING DISGUSTING!!!!!!! Those brownies alone were like a million calories. And there was mayonaise on the sandwich. And it was egg-fried rice. FUCK FUCK. Anyway. I weighed in at 59.5kg. So at least I lost a little bit.
Sigh. *panic attack*
Love & Peace