Thursday, December 8, 2011

When the Shit hits the Fan

... Which is exactly what happened yesterday.

Firstly, my weight has been stable on 60kg for the last two days. Everyone is giving me shit about it, so I am going to be stable this week and hopefully lose like crazy next week. :)

Then. OH MY GOD. Okay so the thing that happened that I couldn't talk about was that I cheated on the ex with his friend. I was going to tell him the next day, but in some kind of divine intervention I got a guilt laiden phone call from the friend begging me not to because although our relationship was over, their friendship blah blah blah. Okay, not my finest hour. But I was so drunk, although not an excuse. Anyway, so he found out about this. And he screamed at me for about half an hour - the nastiest most horrible half hour of my life. I can't even... Anyway. Then he stopped gave me a hug and told me that even though he was mad he still loves me. That he isn't "okay" with the breakup and he just has to keep it together - I'm not sure I believe this.

He started saying things like I understand how when you have a long break up, one of the people always come crawling back... I'm not sure what he was saying with this, but I am assuming it meant he was considering getting back together before he found out... Which, I don't think I would. He said he was a shit boyfriend (NO!?) and then started saying that he has so much mixed emotion, he just wants to kiss me. Then we had sex. I know I am not the kind of person to share these kinds of details, especially on my blog. But it is germane to the story. Then fell asleep cuddling like we used to. And woke up and had sex again. Everything is better than fine. He's chatty and responsive. Just so awesome. Right, so now that I have told the events of the evening. Queue freak out.

WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON!??? How can he not be mad with me? Fuck sakes, I cheated on him, with his best fucking friend and he is totally fine with it. He is acting as if we are all fine and friends and being intimate. WHAT THE FUCKING FUCK!? Can someone please call me a doctor so he can have his mutha fucken head checked because he is supposed to hate me. NOT be wanting me more!? WHAT THE FUCK MAN!?

In other news, I found somewhere to live for myself and my baby kitten. It is in a house with four guys (I'm like Wendy from Peter Pan). It is a tiny little bedroom with no space, but they seem like cool guys and I found out yesterday that I got the place. Epic.

I still haven't had a chance to catch up on blogs. Things are a bit hectic with hospital, work, the ex, moving and graduation. Should hear about Masters soon and hopefully some funding too. I need to be a Judge in twenty years. Gotta get on that shit. Everyone is commenting on my weight. My friends mom called me Skin and Bones (DIE OF HAPPINESS). I LOVE IT! But 4 more kgs. Just 4.

Confusion & Optimism
Xo Xo

6 comments:

Anafly said...

Wow... that is an awkward and complicated situation to be in.
Maybe you being in hospital and you having sex with his best friend has put things into perspective for him?
Maybe he has fully realised how he feels about you and doesn't think that the events that have happened over rule that?
Then again, I just don't know. Boys can be so confusing.
The place you got sounds cool! It sounds like it will be chill but also lots of fun.
Aren't "skin and bones" compliments just so satisfying?
Love Anafly
xxx

Sam Lupin said...

*nodnod* 60kg. i still can't believe it. <3 you're so lucky. gahh. i'm still...whatever i am. period weight tells me anywhere from 156.4 to 158.8 and i can't wait until i stop bleeding then and cramping and craving. wait. i craved lots of shit yesterday and today, i feel like constant tea being brought to me. :)
BOYS ARE FUCKING CONFUSING I TELL YOU. LETS BURN THEM AND BAKE THEM INTO APPLE PIE.
i told you, babe. you're kind of too sexy for the guy's head to be on straight.
4 MORE! OMGOMGOMGOMG. i'm peeing out of exictement for you.
ahhh. the skin and bones compliment. never had it. i've had 'you're too thin already!' from my Grandma, and my Grandfather continues to feed me enough but that doesn't count. xD.

-Sam Lupin

SkinnyNinny said...

That boy...makes no damn sense. How crazy. But yay that you're maintaining your weight, that's so much better than gaining!

pursuit_of_happiness said...

waiit. if hes your ex, you didnt cheat on him....and guys dont make sense. i cant help you. mine is even worse

By All Means said...

Ugh I hate how confusing guys can be. Really just come out and say what you want to say. Otherwise it sounds like you are doing fantastic and thats great! <3 keep it up!

A.beautiful.mess said...

First of all, yay on 60kg :)

I think your ex just realised the sensitive state you are in and he doesn't want to upset you any more.
I can't understand why the sex happened though. To me that would jsut make things more confusing.

But we all know guys are confusing little brats, they never react the way we expect them to. I wish you just knew where you stood with them.

My family would have wanted me to stay at home with them and never let me out of their sight after what happened.

Moving out and living with 4 boys sounds like fun lol. I hope this helps you with a fresh new start.

So glad you're out of hospital :)