I have decided to take my 'happy pill' - as it has been dubbed by my mother in the evenings now, so that I am not brain dead like I have been for the past few days. I know it takes up to two weeks to have any effect, but I swear I feel calmer. But of course, placebo much? WHATEVS, I'm doing okay, so whatever. I just paid the remainder of my deposit for my new place and rent for January. Going to fetch the keys tomorrow and then start the mass exodus of stuff asap. I'm hoping that this zoloft keeps zonking me out until New Years, so I don't have to deal with any of the emotional crap that I know is on it's way. FUCK BALLS.
I ate disgustingly yesterday. I had some grapes, then I had TWO white bread rolls with butter and peanut butter. Then I had a honey latte. But luckily, I worked so there was a fair amount of running around. And when I woke up this morning I was down half an lb. So I was 60.6 this morning. I have had a slice of bread with butter and peanut butter today, but am going to not eat anything else for today. Then hopefully I can be down to 60 flat this morning.
I know what my scale says, but it can't be right. I mean, I look enormous. My stomach is SO fat. I mean it is huge, it looks like I am having my period. That's how bloated I look. It's probably from the lack of water drinking and the disgusting carb binges that are going on. FUCKING AWFUL.
I am so worried about my cat when I move. He is such a dear loving animal and I am ripping him away from his dad and his home and shoving him into a new one. It's not fair on my poor kitten, but what can I do? I refuse to leave him with my ex.
I am going to a festival over new years and I am determined to be in a bikini, but fuck it, I am so sure when people see me in one, they will be like - bitch put some goddamn clothes on. Like a whale.
Thanks for the comments and support. I feel so rundown. I am working from 10am everyday straight through till 11pm. I have an hour now to shower and change clothes, then off to job number two. This shit be HECTIC!
Peace & Love