Tuesday, August 14, 2012

How did we do it before... You know, BEFORE

I have been wondering recently what it must be like to not care, like before we had EDs. You know. Put things in your mouth. Not give a crap if we were normal sized, chubby cheeks, no thigh gaps, flabby arms, double chins, fat knees, no collar bones... Not fat, just normal sized. When everyday wasn't the start or continuation of a new diet. Seeing the world in calories and numbers and sizes, fuck man. What a life to not think about all this shit... Wow.

Anyway, I have decided that I am doing a raw food thing for the next two weeks. Only raw. Which could be kinda cool, cuz I can eat other stuff... As long as it's raw. Today I have had about 460 cals, which has consisted of a salad of spinach, rocket and watercress, tomatoes and half an avocado, blueberries, two clementines and two cups of coffee with honey. I know the coffee with honey isn't raw, but taking my coffee.. would prolly kill me.

Nonetheless, things are going well in the Piggy household. Just so much fucking work to do. As for my company, I have found a developer to finish off the site, which is great. I have so much work to do at the moment, I'm not sure how I will ever find time for this. But one day at a time.

Thanks for all the lovely comments, and I apologise for talking about men so much. I think it's me trying to distract myself from the fact that I continue to be heartbroken and they provide distraction from this. Coco is keeping me together. Much love!

Peace & Love
Xo Xo


Sheila said...

well, i am an average weight, you know. Not thin, not fat ( in most peoples opinion.) But I don't remember living without disordered thoughts towards eating. It was never ever a normal thing for me. Makes me quite sad.I am really wondering if it is possible to be happy with myself and the way i look. but for now i don't see that coming. Sorry i am in a quite bad mood ( and drunk) I think it is so awesome that you do this challenge and it is really motivating me :-)

WinterA said...

I don't know. After the 3rd grade I always remember having this little voice in the back on my head that was telling me people was watching what I was eating.

I got compared to my twin a lot and I was the bigger one so people always asked me why I was fat and stuff so yeah.

If I think hard enough what got me to eat was the fact that I didn't care what I was putting in my mouth, didn't gain weight as easily, and didn't know the dangers of certain foods.

The raw food diet is very successful for most. I look forward to hearing about your success.

Oh no worries about the men talk I forgot to comment on them on the last post. Yeah I agree just waiting to see the other guy is a good move and the one who wants to just get in your pants. Yeahhhh you see very well. Wish my social buddy was as strong as you. She tend to take whatever she can get even if the guy is an butthole 0_o

Anonymous said...

Good luck with the raw food diet, that salad sounds so lovely and healthy.
I'm glad you're getting the site sorted out. I know what you mean about being really busy, I am so weighed down with uni work all the time. Take care.
Alice xx

Stephanie Ray-leigh said...

Yaaay, raw foods(: Good luck hun!
And I think about that all the time... How ignorance must be bliss for all the people who don't care don't think about caring.
I can't remember it anymore, what it used to be like. Did I really just sit and eat? It's seems so unlikely.
Much love<3

Rhianna said...

I agree with Sheila, Im normal sized, but I cant remember a day of my life where I havent had this attitude towards food.
But in saying that, I grew up with two older sisters who suffered bulimia, so I think I picked my habits up from them.

I wish I'd been normal, this life is hell.

Good luck with the raw food thing. I agree, nothing would keep me from coffee, I still find a way to factor it in, everyday.

much love xx

Tatyana said...

Oh, I'm so lucky to better in some extent. I have those days when I can turn it down... but lately I've had just no will to do so.

Good luck and men talk is no problem ;)

Anonymous said...

You'll be back on track in NO time. Especially with that raw food diet :)
As for what you said about how it was before... Yeah, I sometimes wonder on that. I watch some of my other friends (all my close friends are weird with food too, but not quite like me, it's like we all adopted some sick view of it) and how they just shove it in, no problem, and I think "really? really?! how?!". It amazes me.
Take care love <3

Emily Anonymous said...

I wonder that too! What it would be like to be normal again. That's my goal in recovery. I just want to stop obsessing over food and weight, since it takes up so much time and just brings me down.
Good luck on the raw food diet! Are you going to brave any morsels of raw meat?

désespérée de maigrir said...

Raw foods are super good for you and will make you feel good. The greatest thing about them, is that honestly you don't have to count calories, because with only raw fruits and veg you're not really consuming any fat and its nearly impossible to reach a high calorie total.

Don't apologize for writing about what you want to write about. And if you want my opinion (you don't have to regard it!) I feel a bit fond for the Polish boy. I think you should get to know him better. You never know... boys can be taught what to do in bed, never fear!

Little Miss Thin ♥ said...

I've always had this attitude towards my body and food too. Even though when I see photographs of me as a child, I'm thin. I don't ever remember being her. xx

Ayden said...

I wish I could imagine a world without body image issues as well... It's scary and difficult and depressing to realize that I can't.

What does your company do??? I didn't know you owned a company =] That's AWESOME!!