Sunday, August 19, 2012

Tears. :(

I need it to be gone now. I need it to all be gone. Why why why is my ass so fat, my arms, my stomach why why why!?!?!?!?!? I feel like I try so hard and yet.. Fuck it dudes. I need the fat to be gone. I stand and look at myself and I wish I could grab a pair of scissors and cut it the fuck off. WHY WHY WHY won't it just go away. I'm never eating again. From now, I need it to be gone. I don't care if I look sick, it just needs to go the fuck away. My knees are disgusting. My fat fat arms. It's disgusting. It needs to go away. GO AWAY, no matter how far I come, I'm always just the fat piggy that started this stupid blog. Except now I have a broken heart to add to the equation. Fat fat fat. Fat, ugly useless piggy. Disgusting. I am disgusting. I need to go back to London, this town is suffocating me, it's like I'm back in Cape Town again. Fat ugly, miserable piggy. Disgusting and useless. With all this meat on my bones. Where are my bones? My bones don't exist, because I am a farm animal covered in meat. I may as well get slaughterred and put out to pasture. No wonder Roy didn't want me. No wonder. I shouldn't have got Gremlin, because now I have to stick around. Why can't it just disappear. :( I need it to disappear NOW!

Broken & Bruised
Xo Xo

6 comments:

Little Miss Thin ♥ said...

Reading this broke my heart; I see so much of myself in your words. I wish I could make it better for you Piggy, I wish you could see that you're not fat, I wish you could see you're my role model going from my HW to my GW.

I hope you feel better soon, email me if you wish. <3 xxx

Just Me said...

You are not a piggy. Keep your head up lovely! Are you beautiful!

Gabrielle said...

You're beautiful. I'm not just saying this either... I've seen a photo of you on one of your earlier posts and you're genuinely a lovely-looking thing. Whether you're 170 140 or 120 you're always gonna be special and I know it's hard to remember that in times like these, but I want you to hear it, it's the truth. I don't think it's the fat you want to cut off, I think you want to cut off a part of yourself that bothers you, or leave a part of your mind behind, rather. And when you're in a good headspace again you'll see that this feeling you're experiencing right now, has nothing to do with your weight, and I don't need to tell you that, you're such a clever girlie. Please don't do anything stupid or harm yourself honey, we all care so much about you and you have more than just Gremlin to stick around for <3 I hope I made sense. Lots of love to you sweetheart, hang in there.

désespérée de maigrir said...

Please don't be so discouraged. You are beautiful and we love you.

I'm sorry things are feeling hopeless right now. I can related all too well to the sentiment.

Just remember that we understand and will do anything to help.

WinterA said...

Boy I can relate to that. I am constantly looking into the mirror trying to see the changes in my body. It's so hard to see. I was feeling that way last week. I feel okay for the moment but got dinner tonight with the hubby so yeah I don't know.....

Finally Perfection said...

I'm so sorry that I'm late posting.... hope you're feeling better now. Listen to the people commenting, honey. You are an inspiration to us and I'm sending you skinny hugs. You are beautiful, inside and out, don't get down. xxxx