You know, I've been a little bit pensive today, because I have been listening to Coldplay and the last time that I listened to Coldplay for a while was when I was in hospital after my last suicide attempt. I mean. Actually, no. That's a lie. I've listened to it since. But I think because it is so hot at the moment and I'm in a weird boy place, it kinda reminds me of that situation and it's freaking me the fuck out. If ya'll recall, my last suicide was shortly after the break up of my ex and I and then shit just totally fell apart. I feel like I've at this point in my life reached an impasse with the German, as him not being here is not making me happy. For as happy as he makes me, the whole situation also makes me very sad. So I've got to a place where I've decided to let the whole situation go and end things with him. I think that listening to that album today made me realise what I've done to myself before by holding onto something long after it has stopped being good for me and I don't want to go back. I'm going to end it. If we can't reach a solution with regards to where we live, then I need to make my own solution to be happy and that doesn't involve him. I'm a solver, I don't want to dwell on the problem. So the problem needs to go away - does that make sense?
In other news, I'm still fat. I say this in every post. But it's still just as true now as it was then. I'm doing a fruitox for the foreseeable future. I have had a punnet of grapes today, two cups of coffee, a sugar free redbull, an absolute zero monster (cuz I'm fucking OBSESSED with Monster) and sadly, I had a cappucino frap from Starbucks which could have as many as 170 cals in it. I didn't order it or buy it for myself so I don't know. I hate it when coworkers buy things for me. My lunch buddy is away for another two weeks so I will be able to skip lunch while she's gone without any questions. FML.
Deep & Pensive