I always seem to get lost in my weekends. Probably because every damn time I go balls to the wall and then don't stop till Monday. Happily I can report... well. No. That's exactly what happened this weekend BUT not as bad as last weekend with some love and hope.
First off - all my good intentions went right out the window. So I shall be starting again tomorrow. I actually couldn't move because of three days of sit ups. So going to do that again from tomorrow. Two days in a row, then hopefully I can progress into a whole week of sit ups. Nonetheless. My resolution not to contact my ex is staying strong. I am definitely NOT going to weigh 55 by tomorrow. But hopefully by the end of next week.
Right, so my news and shit. Friday was another blurry haze of alcohol and drugs. I can't really remember much of what happened, but essentially I got into a toussle with the police. Well, I was trying to leave the club they were trying to raid and I got pushed into walls. My face is all bruised and shit just was insane. I was also really drunk and rushing tits, so I had NO fucking idea what was going on. Hot damn. Then I kinda... booty called this ex of mine, Lilypad (his surname directly translates into lilybush) and went to his place after two years of really loving each other, but just never actually... like getting together - except for a week back before I left for England. So essentially I told him that I was still SO in love with him - and he said the same blah blah wank puke fuck sakes and spent the whole weekend with him since. And it is just so weirdly perfect.
Two things that are the problem at the moment... okay well three, but the third is unimportant. Firstly, we have been doing this for years. What is different this time? I can only hope that it will be different - but it has been ages and now...? Secondly, I am supposed to be single and working through shit in my head. I know this isn't exactly meaning that we are going to date, but we have skipped forward to being in love already... He also reminds me of my ex. The funny thing with that is that it is a chicken and egg thing. Did I go for my ex because he reminded me of Lilypad, or am I now going for my Lilypad, because he reminds me of my ex. I mean. They are soooo similar, but lily came first. I dunno confusing. The other third thing is my housemate. I am fetching him from the airport later this evening. And lilypad will be here by then (I hope anyway, he is working now) and if we recall he said earlier this week that we are 'seeing' each other. Fuck. I don't know if I should warn him (although there isn't reallly anything to warn him about just yet) or if I should just let him see when he gets home. But I suspect if I do the latter he is going to freak.
Anyway. I am a fat piggy who is doing mean things to boys. But I want this one. And he is so mutha fucken sexy. Like he was always hot before, but his body has changed since we first hooked up, and his hair is like sandy blonde... and everything is just so perfect, if you know what I mean ;) and he is also very affectionate which I like... I always said I was going to marry him, but thought that it was just never going to work. Am I wrong? I am so scared because I know I need to start getting better about being alone...
Love & Sexy