Fuck, it's like every little detail of my life is going on this blog. Fuckety fuckballs. Ag, okay - so there is a good reason for this. It's so easy to just say - fuck it - i'm not accountable for what I eat, because if I don't post then no one will know. Which is EXACTLY why mafuckers must post this shit. I think the more I post the less likely I am to fail. First things first, I added about 20 cals to yesterdays intake with another cup of tea... So I was about 450 yesterday. YES! This morning I weighed in at 59kg flat. Which is amazing and sad - amazing because that's my (as Sammy would say) - pre binge weight. I.e. before the weekend of eating pizza, bunny chow and lots and lots of pasta. Eeuw. It actually makes me a little teary for having to admit that I do fucken eat shit like that sometimes. ANYWAY. Not important...
Half an hour later...
I'm at my moms house now doing some work. Fuck I hate working. I now had a cup of coffee with 1.5oz fat free milk and a teaspoon of honey. I am not going to eat anything else today, until the salad tonight. Yes we can. I really don't want to go. I just want to go to sleep. WHAT WAS THE POINT OF THIS FUCKING POST!!
OH yes. *sips coffee* I really need to pep the fuck up. Dammit. I am HALF ASLEEP!!!!
OKAY. Last night I noticed that I am getting those lines. That boys have. Going from the top of their hip into their er... groin area. The arrows. The lines. You know what I mean? Since this is a girl blog I am not going to post a pic of a boy. Sorry Will <3 and also Sammy. No dirty boy pics here. Anyway. I am kinda fucken stoked. I am thinking when I am 55, it should be blatantly clear that I have those lines... hmmmm... yummy. Except, are girls supposed to have those lines? Cuz I'm not gonna lie, it does make me feel like a weeeeee bit of a hermaphrodite. OKAY. ENOUGH!
I had this thought that I am going to print out all the posts in this blog one day and make a little journal for myself. Like one day. When I am still the same, because. And hear me now EVERYONE I WILL NOT BE FAT EVER AGAIN. I WILL NOT RECOVER. Because there is nothing to recover from. I know I say this so much, but recovery has been forced in my fucking face everyday for the last three months. "Have you eaten?" "You eat so little" "You look fine to me" - fuck that. Anyway.
And then the last thing. So this boy, Lilypad gave me a necklace with a heart pendant on it. It is totally tacky, but very me... Actually I'll post a picture...
I feel a bit light headed... Always like this when you start restricting properly I guess. Sammy and I are going to start cabbage soup tomorrow. YAY! I know there are some that said they were keen! YES WE CAN! By the way - Sammy is Sam Lupin. My lady love <3 ANYWAY. It's funny how the hunger goes away after the first two days. Your body just resigns itself to the fact that it isn't getting any.
I am SO scared about dinner tonight. I can see myself cracking and having sushi with rice. I also decided to modify my order to a sashimi salad instead of the seared sashimi variety. Less chance of there being oil used in the searing process. SO scared. I ducked out of it, but then my mom pulled a "I REALLY would like you to come with" maneuverer. Fuck sakes.
I appreciate all of my followers and those that take time to comment on my blog. I know I don't say this often, I don't credit people in my blog, I don't ever respond to questions in the comments, but I must say that I do appreciate the support. So many comments on my previous two posts wishing me luck, saying that I can do this. Get through this dinner tonight, be skinny. I really really do appreciate it. And as always, if I'm not following you, I would LOVE to give your blogs a read. PLEASE just post a link below and I'll be there like a bear. I need to rethink that phrase to incorperate my alter ego - Miss Piggy of course ;) - Jiggy like a Piggy? Twiggy like a Piggy? Wiggy like a Piggy? I don't know. I just made myself laugh out loud. Ahhhh the joys of my brain.
Twiggy & Jiggy