I need to start doing my test essay for this writing job. God, I hope it pays well. I also have an appointment with the bank on Wednesday so I can finally get a bank account, because lord knows this whole huge transaction fee thing is just not doing it for me. Anyway.
Today I have had two small bananas and a diet coke, so like 150 cals today so far. Considering I only had about 50 yesterday I figure it's okay. I am going to have soup for dinner. The soup I was meant to have yesterday. So I should end up at around 400. Which is okay. I just want to try stick to around 500 a day. I just need more pepsi max and coke zero then I can make it. Fruit, soup and diet cola. I got this.
I can't wait for my boy to get here. It's going to be a very long six months, but I know I can do this. Well I hope I can. I am slowly starting to realise that I need to not drink at all anymore. I can't handle my shit when I get drunk, so I think I need to stop. Entirely. Like I don't think it's at AA level yet, but if I keep going this way I think it may be. Fuck man. Why can't I just control myself? I can control my food, but is that it?? I need my boy and my cat. God I miss my kitten so much. It hurts, but I do think all in all I am doing well.
Thanks for all the lovely feedback and comments on my last post. I figure it's an ED thing to be disgusted with the control our bodies try to have over us. Like I find if I restrict I love food shopping. Walking around looking at labels and calories. Thinking hmm I'd love to put this in my mouth right now, but then conveniently a fat ass chick will trot past and you put it back, snickering almost, like - or I can put it back and not look llike you. I mean I know it's about the overall weight, but I do feel like everytime I say no to something, I have a small victory. Walking home from the store with fruit and soup and nothing else, is empowering. Skim milk, water and diet sodas. You all know what I mean. Being close to food is a great substitute for not actually eating it. It does help that there isn't a lot of crap in my flat and that I am too damn embarrassed to eat in front of my flatmate.
Love & Peace