Tuesday, April 10, 2012

London Town.

Well, a lot has certainly changed since my last blog post. For one thing, I am now in London. So yes bloggers, I am a resident of London, United Kingdom now. Everything has been very stressful for a few reasons. The first is that I need to find a job etc etc which I have no idea how to. Wow, I don't even know what kind of job I want to do. I mean, presumably it will be something legal. I mean. Let's hope. So anyway, I have to do that, somewhere to live, national insurance, bank accounts... all of it. Also been feeling very run down, which may have something to do with the enormous amount of unhealthy, greasy, carby food I have been showing down my enormous throat, leading to the residence of a few extra kilograms on my already flabby ass. Fucking hell Piggy. I can't believe I have let myself go.

I have also been saying this for months now, about me getting in control of my eating. Well fuck it, it has to be now or never. I feel like I am sliding back to my HW. How fucked is that. I need to buy a scale. I think a scale is going to be my reward for finding a job. I need something to work towards. I really need one. Also managed to restrict to about 300 cals today. Tomorrow will hopefully be the same. I am only eating soup and fruit - 0 cal drinks, tea and water. Restriction is key. I am wondering if maybe I should get all skinny again (BMI 18) and then maybe try get some modelling work. Not that anyone would hire me. I'm gross. Oh god, shut up piggy. I think that's the dumbest idea I have ever had.

The boy back home and I are vibing long distance. I don't know what to think about it. But I have promised myself and him that I won't be hooking up with anyone until we are done for good, which will be at this point if he doesn't move over here by this time next year. I have given him a year to get here, before I move on.

I feel so run down and lost. My eating is out of control, I have no job or anywhere to live - temporary I hope. The dude I am staying with is in my face. Everything is just seems so hard. Fuck it. I am also not drinking or having a ciggie until Friday. So, that's another three days.

Cold & Miserable
Xo Xo


8 comments:

Run said...

Only 200 miles away from where I live. :P London is lovely though.

I understand you on the out of control eating. That's been me for a few weeks now, slowly gaining weight. Don't worry about it though. You'll get back on track. xx

Miranda said...

I've been overdosing on carbs too and feeling out of control and super disgusting. Ugggg!!! Good luck with getting back on track.

H A R R Y G O A Z said...

Have a SUPER week!

Ell said...

Carbs= awful! And wow london! That is amazing! Can't wait to here about that city! something I have only dreamed about! I hope you will give a very detailed account of it all so I can live vicariously through you. lol with love,
~ell

Jinx ANA UnRiddled said...

I've been doing the same thing :( my boyfriend of one-year broke up with me just before easter and since, I've been binging 24/7! Gained 2 or 3 kg - puts me 2kg below my high weight of 67. FML.
I wish you luck with your diet - and I'm sure you could get a modeling job if you tried! go for whatever feels right. xx
Stay strong, think thin <3

Gabrielle said...

Londoners unite :D I hope you manage to settle in here. It's really great when you have things like a home and a job sorted, then the city is your oyster :)

Modelling sounds great, I want to do that too! BMI 18 HERE WE COME!

Love,
Gabby x

Too Fat for Words said...

Hey Welcome to London!

If you want to catch up some time let me know, I've been here a year in May so know how hard it can be!
Bank accounts a pretty easy to set up and you don't need national insurance until you find a job.
What did you do back home?

❤ ♥ Sam [Misha] Lupin ❥ ❣ said...

presume it will be legal? oh God, Flower, you didn't change a bit. <3
join the club, beautiful.
AWESOME. 300kcal! i managed to...er...i won't talk about it. mia!me is...very persistent to say the least and i am so very hungry. all of the fucking time. you'd think i'd fasted for a week with how i eat.
that sounds weird. and cute.
weirder than cute. ;)
YES. NO CIGARETTES UNTIL FRI. AWESOMWE.
-Sam Lupin