Well, a lot has certainly changed since my last blog post. For one thing, I am now in London. So yes bloggers, I am a resident of London, United Kingdom now. Everything has been very stressful for a few reasons. The first is that I need to find a job etc etc which I have no idea how to. Wow, I don't even know what kind of job I want to do. I mean, presumably it will be something legal. I mean. Let's hope. So anyway, I have to do that, somewhere to live, national insurance, bank accounts... all of it. Also been feeling very run down, which may have something to do with the enormous amount of unhealthy, greasy, carby food I have been showing down my enormous throat, leading to the residence of a few extra kilograms on my already flabby ass. Fucking hell Piggy. I can't believe I have let myself go.
I have also been saying this for months now, about me getting in control of my eating. Well fuck it, it has to be now or never. I feel like I am sliding back to my HW. How fucked is that. I need to buy a scale. I think a scale is going to be my reward for finding a job. I need something to work towards. I really need one. Also managed to restrict to about 300 cals today. Tomorrow will hopefully be the same. I am only eating soup and fruit - 0 cal drinks, tea and water. Restriction is key. I am wondering if maybe I should get all skinny again (BMI 18) and then maybe try get some modelling work. Not that anyone would hire me. I'm gross. Oh god, shut up piggy. I think that's the dumbest idea I have ever had.
The boy back home and I are vibing long distance. I don't know what to think about it. But I have promised myself and him that I won't be hooking up with anyone until we are done for good, which will be at this point if he doesn't move over here by this time next year. I have given him a year to get here, before I move on.
I feel so run down and lost. My eating is out of control, I have no job or anywhere to live - temporary I hope. The dude I am staying with is in my face. Everything is just seems so hard. Fuck it. I am also not drinking or having a ciggie until Friday. So, that's another three days.
Cold & Miserable