Sunday, April 29, 2012

This is NOT a diet.

I just joined - proana forum. Let me just state again that I am not proana. I wouldn't wish this on anyone, but like proana I don't think there is anything wrong with me and I wish people would just leave me alone with regards to my eating. The only reason I participate in things like this forum is because I do believe that support is needed for people like us, because frankly an ED is just a manifestation of something else that is causing a lot of pain and how many blogs I have read including my own where we have given up and ended up in hospital. Some aren't as lucky as I was... well. Lucky. Anyway.

My point is that on this forum there are girls looking for a diet and exercise routine that will help them lose weight. Now, I know this is stating the blatantly obvious, but proana, an Eating Disorder is NO DIET! It is a disease. And it is rough. You don't want to lose 5lbs to look pretty. You lose weight because you are trying to control yourself. For me, my life is out of control and the only thing I feel I can control is what I eat. It obviously isn't as conscious as that. Like I didn't start by saying... hmm... I can't control my drinking or that I have been acting like a dirty ho bag. I know *snap* I'll start obsessively controlling everything that goes into my mouth and bring a new meaning to the words binge eat.

My point is simply that this started as a diet for me when I was 17. Eating nothing but peas for weeks to lose weight. And now I go through cycles of binging and starving. Hating myself for eating. Hating myself for not eating. Being constantly angry about my body and the way it looks. Wanting to look like a skeleton. Never being good enough. So if you are looking for a diet. This is not it. This is not something you just snap out of when you have lost enough. If you are looking for something drastic - stop eating carbs. It is simple and it works. I didn't have the self control for years before I started this blog. Trying to be proana is playing with fire. If you want to recover or if you want to lose some weight, don't look at proana sites. Kids, this is no fucking joke. I am in my mid twenties. You don't want to end up like me.

Love & Peace
Xo Xo


Katie Ehrlich said...

I couldn't agree more. Mine didn't start with a diet. Maybe if it had, I wouldn't have gotten out of control. Mine started with bulimia when I was 11, then turned into anorexia and is now to the point of both. I have close friends to me who tell me, maybe I will start doing what you're doing to lose all this weight, then they laugh. This shit isn't funny. I think this is what my blog is going to be about today. Thanks for the inspiration and the lovely comment on my blog.

Louise said...

I totally agree with you. I started reading pro-ana blogs when I was sixteen (i'm rapidly approaching 21 now) and soon after I became bulimic. I can't stop. Even when my weight fluctuates like it has the past few years, I still can't give up on the bulimia. It doesn't go away.

Charlie said...

Amen. Everything I could ever say about Pro-Ana has been said right here.

Weightless said...

In reply to your comment- what kind of challenge!

Anonymous said...

I would say it started for me at the age of 15 (throwing up my food etc) although I have been conscious of my weight all my life and trying to lose since I was 10. I didn't come across pro-ana websites until I was 18.
I agree with what you are saying though, nobody needs tips on how to loathe their bodies and evaluate their self worth based mostly on their appearance. I dont think that you can teach someone how to think this way about food. Everybody needs some support through and to talk to people similar to themselves who won't judge them the way other people might.
Alice xx