I feel at least slightly more in control today than I have been feeling recently. Yesterday I stayed under a 300 cal limit. Today, I had butternut soup (quite a lot actually - 600g) 250cals (probably less), tea and strawberries (about 100 cals worth). So today I managed to basically stay under 400 cals. AND on top of that I managed to walk for at least an hour today. I certainly wasn't walking fast, but I was at least moving. I reckon I netted about 200 today. Not that I ever count nett. But anyway. So now I am lying on my bed... well on the dude I am staying with, his bed. He has gone out and I am finally alone for the first time since I got here. The quiet is amazing. So I made myself the soup, had a bong. Chilled. I'm lying here listening to Florence and the Machine and sipping pepsi max.
I also got called by a recruitment agency today who are going to pass on my details to this awesome ass job thang, basically - I think I may have found a job. Well an interview anyway. But it's quite a specialised position so the likelihood of me getting it is rather good. I hope anyway. This made me feel a little bit better after the ass kicking that I got from life yesterday.
I really need to find somewhere to weigh myself. Fuck it. I am just going to by a goddamn scale. Jeez. I have to. I can't stand not knowing. It is killing me. I am sure I am around 60. I mean. I hope. I really miss that boy also. I wish I knew what to think about him and I. I mean if he comes here then he comes. If not... then I get to be heartbroken all over again. *cry*
Anyway... Concentrate on your weight. It is always a good distraction when you can't control anything else.
Ice & Love