Wednesday, April 18, 2012

My Red Band

WORD! I collected my prescription earlier today, so I have my crazy pills. I found out yesterday that they are a generic of prozac. Oh well. Maybe I am totally fucking mental. Whatever. Today I managed to restrict really well. I had a skinny latte and a punnet of strawberries. I was planning on having soup for dinner, then I went to visit a friend and her housemate shoved a mini cake in front of me. Vanilla with no icing or anything. About half the size of my blackberry. So it was little. And I had just bitched about Kate Middleton being a skinny bitch and "oh! she needs a hamburger", so when I tried to protest about eating it, she gave me a look. So I just fucken ate it. And the crap thing is that now I have NO idea how much was in the small little cake. I'm guessing around 120 cals. And so my total for the day is just under 300. I am kinda hungry and would like some soup, but it's late now and it would push up my total too much. So I had a coke zero and am going to go to sleep now... Well after I read some blogs.

Anyway. So the topic of my blog. I don't really have much to say about it, but I wear a red band around my arm everyday (well I never take it off) and it's my own red bracelet. It's not really. It's just this thing. I dunno. I feel proud to wear it. I'm not pro-ana. This is not a lifestyle I'd want for anyone, but at the same time. I am proud of my willpower. I am proud of the fact that I can overcome the control my body has over me. I can do this. We can do this. So I wear a red band. Kinda reminds me of that Johnny Cash song - The man in black. Something about I wear black for the hundreds who have died believing god was on their side. Anyway. I love that song.

Thanks for all the lovely comments. I'm still job hunting *sigh* But I did get a UK bank account today, so that's a win really. Anyway.

Hunger & Pride
Xo Xo

8 comments:

Dumb Brunette said...

I used to take Prozac. Its not that bad. I didn't notice any really bad side effects. My appetite was suppressed bit it wore of after a couple of days.

And you're most definitely not mental. Just take the pills, hopefully they'll make you feel better. Good luck :)

AstoriaC said...

At least the cake didnt have any icing!

Tatyana said...

I wear one red band too and it has a huge power on me... eventually it's just a band with red beans but still it means so much for me that I'd go crazy if I lost it.

God luck with job hunting!
<3

Katie Ehrlich said...

I didn't ever think about wearing a red band everyday. That's a wonderful idea. Maybe I will make one. And you're lucky you can eat a cake without icing. The icing is my weakness. I hope your pills make you feel better. Keep your chin sweetie.
XOXO

Lila said...

I like the red band thing :) also I LOVE Johnny cash... lost my c.. sad :/

Whymsie said...

At least it had no icing. You deserve to be proud of your willpower and strength :) keep it up

Bones said...

I do loathe being pressured to eat, even the small things... my friend forced a sliver of baguette with roasted garlic on me yesterday, and I thought I'd go mental.

You have every right to be proud of your control over your hunger. xx

.Nauseated_Suchende. said...

Great job with the restriction!!! You deserve to be proud for your control =)
I wear a bracelet too. But it's not red. Cause a girl of my class did some research on pro ana stuff and so she knows about them and I don't want anybody here to know...well that I'm doing what I'm doing. They'll get too worried and won't stop pissing me off until I put on other 10 lbs or some shit like that. So my bracelet is actually homemade and it's pink and blue. Hope it will help me with my control!
Oh, and by the way, Johnny Cash is so cool!xxx