Thursday, January 17, 2013

Empowered.

I don't want to jinx it, but I think I may have found my willpower again. Yesterday was day 3 with no binge and ended up on 350 cals. Today so far, I am already on 370 cals, although to be fair I have been awake for like... 6 hours and I'm going to have a nap now. I have some left over low cal thai curry from last night that I'm going to have later and then I should end up on about 700 for the day. Which I'm cool with. I'm easing myself back into it. I had three small eggs scrambled with no butter or oil, fried mushrooms, also no butter or oil and then a mango. Now, I know that it seems like it is a lot, but I have been craving scrambled eggs and I don't eat eggs. EVER. I haven't eaten eggs since I left Cape Town ten months ago. I don't do eggs. ANYWAY. And I went to the store to get eggs and mushrooms, and walking there I said to myself that I was allowed to get a small bag of Cheetos if they had them and by the time I got there, I was like. Ooo bitch, I don't need it, I don't want it. Nothing else for me. 

I need to get my scale so that I can start seeing the victories. VICTORIES! But I do feel like my face is less fat than it was three days ago, so I'm hoping to be somewhere around 60kgs when my scale arrives. I know I can't be more than 64, because I still have the thigh gap. So IT SHOULD BE FINE. Now, the title of my post. The longer I get into my normal eating and the emptier I am, the stronger I feel. Right now, after only three days and I'm sure there are going to be major hiccups before I get to 114lbs again, I feel invincible. I feel like I am stronger and more powerful than anyone else. I am Coco right now. And that is also the exact attitude that I am going to take to my book. I am strong. I will get published, even if I have to self-publish, cuz there are a couple of ways to do that successfully. I'm not letting anything stop me. 

I had this weird thought about my ex last night and I'm starting to wonder if I am losing my mind. But at the end of the day. It will only help the creative process. YES WE CAN! 

Strength & Pashminas 
Xo Xo

10 comments:

ꜛⱴאּ Sⱥm ŁupiƝ ҂ said...

i think i can finally comment. it only took installing a whole new browser that DOESN'T support my tumblr habits -death-
ive been awake sincce 7am so really it's been 5 hrs and i've had like 372 calories -sigh-
i might eat something soon. i freaking love the 'eat 6 small meals a day thing'. God, 1500 calories sometimes feels like a diet and sometimes feels like a chore. yikes.
I WANT CURRY MAKE ME MAKE ME THAI CURRY BUT I DONT WANT SODIUM
i have like an addiction to salt. i've been retaining a shit amount of water. once i lost like 3 lbs the next day just because of SoDiuM, that's funny. sod-diem. like the diem day thing. a sodding diem, a sodding day. yup. that's sodium. perfect.
for someone who has a test in like 2 hrs and a half, i don't act like it. like 0% act like it.
...i had eggs like 2 hrs ago. dude, i've been eating an egg salad sandwich like 3-4 days of the week. i loveeee egg.
omg yes creative processssssesssssssss
-dies
xo George DiCaprio

Katie Elizabeth said...

I'm so happy for you. Your scale should be there any time now. I am going to get new batteries for mine today so I can see my damage I've done. I'm so glad that you feel stronger. I understand that feeling so well. Hope all else is well. Lots of love.
XOXO

Emily Carter said...

Your books sound great! If a publisher asks you who your audience will be tell them me. I know I am only one person, but I'm one person more than none lol. Look forward to seeing your book on the shelf withing the next coming years.

Emily

liveanillusion said...

I will be the first one to buy your books! I love everything you write, you are just so honest about your thoughts.

I have been reading your blog for over a year but only had mine for a couple of months. I usually write about how much I hate people so if you're in a good mood, stay away :) But you are welcome to visit if you're pissed at the world and need to rant ;)
iliveanillusion.blogspot.com

SparksInsomniac said...

Congratulations on your little victories. :) And have fun with the novel! I've tried to write a few, but I get bored too easily. Hehe. But once ey're going, let me know, I'd love to buy one! You're so open with your opinions. I can't wait to see what you'll do with your novel.

WinterA said...

I am so glad to hear you are doing well. Shoot pass some of that empowerment over here.

I know what you mean about the face feeling fat. For me I will pay more attention to my love handles before I do my face.

I think easing back into it is best. You can make it a habit again and then the body will be use to your eating habits and not want to eat so much.

Hope you are still going strong :-)

Sunshinechild said...

I feel like we are in a very similar place right now <3 Sending you strength and courage 'cause I know how tough it can be,

Emily Anonymous said...

Good job on the no binge! I've also been able to refrain from binging this ENTIRE WEEK (amazing!) You can keep going! :D

Judith Marie said...

sorry I've been so slack with my comments hun, but I have been reading everything, just usually too tired and out of my own head to leave a comment.
Just wanted to let you know that I'm still here and I still care and it's good to hear about you doing so well!

-Judith Marie

Little Miss Thin ♥ said...

Sounds like you're doing well! Fingers crossed for good scale news xx