Wednesday, January 9, 2013

Miserable Failure

So, I failed miserably on the fast. Instead of fasting, I ended up eating about 1600 cals yesterday. The shame, the miserable fucking shame. Disgusting worthless Piggy. FAILURE PIGGY FAILURE! I have however figured out the root cause of my shittiness. It is because I don't have a scale. I kinda thought I would get around to buying one at some point, but now I see the absolute necessity of it. So I've ordered one and it should arrive by next Monday. Thank god. Until then. FUCK. Anyway, so then I was going to restart today and then realised that there was just no chance on the planet that it was going to happen and then I ended up eating a big ol' bag of Cheetos. I really do have a serious weakness for crisps. Anyway, the cheetos weren't TOO bad, since I have only had 450 cals today in total. So definitely better than yesterday. I feel so disgusting and bloated. Anyway, 450 cals. It's okay Piggy. Calm down. Breathe. Just breathe.

I feel like I am rapidly losing hope about this year in general already and we're only a week in. I'm trying to rediscover my gusto after New Years and I'm sure I'll find it. So first things first. I need to stay on top of my work. And make sure that I do it properly and not half-arse it, like I tend to do with everything. Second thing. Yoga twice a week. I missed yoga today because I was completely exhausted for some reason, I'm always fucking tired. Thirdly, stay on top of my laundry and cleaning. I am going to get a white board and write up a schedule for this shit, because otherwise I just won't ever get it done. I wish there was a late night laundramat around here somewhere, because I really am the 'do it at 3am' kinda person. Fourthly, make more of an effort to keep up with friends in a constructive way. So I'm setting myself a budget of 20 pounds when I go out for drinks. Not because I want to save money, but I really need to start paying more attention to how much alcohol I put in my body. Like, I can spend 150 in one night. And girls, my liver is not getting any younger. Fiftly, get back down to 55kgs. I can do this. I want to try and be really good until my scale arrives so that I won't be horribly shocked when it gets here. I still have my thigh gap so that means that I can't be that far off 60. But need to make sure. I miss being excited in the morning about waking up to a lovely number.

WE CAN DO THIS. I can do this. I want to buy a new laptop as well. But travelling starts next month. So I need to mindful of money. Yes We Can. OH and it looks like I'll be back in Cape Town for a few weeks in March/April. A little bit excited. A little bit scared.

Peace & Love
Xo Xo


Katie Elizabeth said...

I wish I could give you a hug right now sweetie. I'm sending lots of love. We can do this.

ꜛⱴאּ Sⱥm ŁupiƝ ҂ said...

if i helps, my limit is 1650 and i'm actually eating beyond my BMR of 1577!
Cheetos suck. xD i love crisps but not Cheetos. yikes. BUT I WILL HAVE ANYTHING THAT HAS RUFFLES, SEASONED WITH PAPRIKA OR BLACK PEPPER and omg if it's French cheese or cheese/onion. that's it. it's in my stomach. no questions. or tortillas.
i want to get down to 60kgs. i'd be happy forever. xD i'm still in 70-something (too lazy to convert) and it is disturbing A WOMAN IS NOT SUPPOSED TO HAVE HIPS THESE BIG I SWEAR
-Sam Lupin

Ana Stasia said...

You're not a failure. It sounds like your intake for today was well, so take that and run with it ;) Stay strong.

Miranda said...

My thigh gap is the only thing I have left. I feel like a failure too. It's not too late to get back on track though.