I feel like I've lost myself this year... I've kinda got to a point where I feel profoundly lost. The trouble is that for the life of me, I can't figure out why or how?
I am going to say that I've got fat, but it isn't the actual fat that is more awful to me. I used to be trendy and cool with a definite style and as I've gotten fatter, less of my clothes fit me and now I feel like I'm just a fat, pasty frump. As I'm fasting today, I feel a bit confused by how good this feels. I haven't fasted in probably two years. It is so cleansing and instantly gratifying. I feel like I'm doing something to look after my body... the tragedy of course evident.
I have more money than I actually know what to do with now... So I'm going to start saving money. When did that happen. I'm busy planning a complete overhaul of my warddrobe because I can afford to. When did I care this much about my 'style'?
I've taken on this exam and failure isn't an option. I should feel good about making this life decision and on the one hand I do, but on the other I feel like I've made a decision about my life - which is more than I can legitimately say I've done in year - exciting and terrifying.
The thought has been lingering in my mind that I am a complete and utter control freak. The funny thing is that I reflect on my being and see that it is completely true. How have I lived my entire life thinking I'm easy going?
Fast time: 20 hours
Peace & Love