Saturday, December 19, 2015

Is Just Doesn't Get Any Better

I still have not been paid for my contract. So I have effectively been waiting for payment and broke on my ass for three weeks now. Monday apparently is when it will happen, although who actually knows, because this company seems determined to play silly buggers with me. Now, the thing about it is that I have been sitting at home and doing nothing, because I'm too broke to go out. All I want is a landslide of soy lattes and a manicure. It's all I want. Here's to hoping that Monday will be the day. Fuck. Sticks. 

In other news, it also means that I am pathetic about Colbey - although, he seems to do the very thing that Roy did, which was not pay me enough attention. When we are together it's great and when we aren't I don't hear from him. I saw him on Wednesday, texted him on Thursday to say I got the job - to which he responded and I literally did not hear from him until this afternoon at midday. Two solid days of no communication. And here I go demonising him again. 

It makes me paranoid and angry. I don't want to be paranoid and angry. When he is back from Australia I will need to have a chat to him about it again, before I start  fucking going mental like I did with Roy, starving and cutting, eventually trying to kill myself. To get attention. No, no. NEVER AGAIN. I promised myself never again, and if he can't pull his socks up and give me more attention then we must end this now. I don't think I'm super needy, but he can't not communicate with me for two fucking days. He is supposed to be my goddamn boyfriend. 

My life is pathetic, I will eventually do something other than speak to Colbey. I just want a fucking manicure. PAY ME COMPANY, PAY ME!! 

Peace & Love
Xo Xo

1 comment:

Eve said...

I think you should definitely not do any of those destructive behaviors because I don't think that should be you anymore. While I agree that two days is a long time not to get in contact with a significant other as WiFi is everywhere, I wouldn't set your relationship up for failure by using those behaviors to muddle it. Just communicate that it hurts your feelings and makes you feel unwanted and if he doesn't understand that that can be hurtful, cut him out. There's a lot of good guys who will give you their time without thinking about it.