So... I have some exciting news. Which I will get to. But before I do. Firstly, today I was 61 flat! EXCITING. I'm hoping tomorrow to break the 60 mark. BUT I'm feeling all bloaty mcWhale again, which means the period is coming. Yay me. No, not really. Today I have had about 330 cals, which consisted all the usual milk from my hundred cups of tea and a turkey, spinach, cilantro, chilli, garlic and ginger stirfry thingy. Which was nice... But not that great. I think next time i need to use bok choy so that it's a little more crispy, cuz I think it is meant to have some crunch in it. I would use nuts, but nuts are so high in calories. Anyway, and now I am chugging down a litre and a half of coke zero. Dyou ever feel like you have eaten way more than you think you have. OH WAIT. I had a plum this morning. Okay, so that's actually... 359 cals for the day. All good. Anyway, so do you ever feel like you've eaten way more than you actually have. I mean for example. I was sitting putting in my cals on my calorie counter (I use Sparkpeople.com - also I like to look at the fat people, cuz it's like. inspiration for me) and I swear I was going... "uhhh what did I eat. no no, I don't feel hungry, that must mean I've eaten more - am I forgetting the heaping bowl of pasta I ate this morning... no didn't eat pasta... THERE MUST BE MORE" Its kinda like I expect myself to have cheated, so I go on little obsessive streaks that there must have been more calories. Even four days ago when I had a binge day, I had two potatoes, pesto pasta and cereal, oh and a bunch of peanut butter. All of that was only 1300 cals. And even though that is way high for me, it's still way less than still way less than the recommended calorie amount. I mean. It is times like that when I realise just how fucking nutter we really are, but then. Don't care.
The other thing today was this stupid friend of mine. Well there's a bit of a backstory here. Basically, I was friends with her in Cape Town only because I wanted to party and be wild and she was so desperate to be cool that she bought all the drugs and the booze. Not that we went crazy with drugs, but here and there when we took em she was buying. I'm not proud of the fact that the only reason I hung out with her was because she was paying, but it is what it is. Anyway, so she got hauled off to a crazy hospital and then rehab about two months ago. After having an affair with a married man, whose wife and child have now left him because of her and she got him hooked on drugs as well. ANYWAY, so now she has moved back to joburg and is going out with her ex boyfriend, who dated her for three months a year or two ago and treated her like shit and then kicked her to the curb once a better piece of ass came along. Anyway, so a week or two ago I gave her a 'harsh realities of life' speech, which was basically that she is being stupid going back to this guy after he treated her so badly. So then today she tried to start talking about him and I told her that I was going to discuss Tristan with her, because I am not supportive of their relationship, so instead of being judgy and saying bad things about him, I'm just not going to say anything at all. I thought this was a mature approach to their relationship, because I know it's going to blow up, because with men like that it always does. Anyway, so she deleted me on facebook and off whatsapp. Now tbh I'm not upset by it, because she is so annoying, but I'm shocked at her level of immaturity about it. I mean. I didn't say anything mean about him. fucking cray cray. Okay, so now I'm going to stop ranting about it - and I can't wait till she comes crawling back after he fucks her over again. Fucking stupid people, they think I have no idea what I'm talking about.
So, my exciting news. An agency, like a modelling agency, got my pictures from that test shoot I did back in May. And they want me to do a test shoot next week. :D :D So I'm excited. I mean, I'm three kgs heavier than I was by then, but I'm hoping that if I restrict nicely till Tuesday, then I will have lost atleast 2 of those three by then. I mean, I have 5 days to lose 2kgs, I can do this. I'm sure I can. I feel so insecure about it though. Like, they are going to be judging my bad hair and my bad skin and my weight, my untoned stomach. All of it. And I don't know what to wear... I dunno. I think I may actually want to try the modelling seriously, so that I can get some work and stick it to my ex. Yeah, bitch. Look what you're missing. BOOM. So I'm going to scour my Vogues and practice a few poses so I can be prepared for my shoot. I hope hope hope it goes well. But strictly 500 days till then. I have been binge free now for three days. But Tuesday it will be... 8 days. Wow, can you imagine being binge free for that long? Shit son. :D I'm excited. :) I think maybe I should do some situps and lunges just till then to try get rid of some of this jiggle. But I'm so crampy.
Sorry, this was SUCH a long post. Thanks for all the love and comments on my last post, has definitely given me something to think about.
Love & Kisses