Monday, January 20, 2014

Do Not Drown In A Cup Of Water

... except to say that my intake for today has been reasonably good - around 400 cals. I also made three nights more curry than I needed so I have healthy curry to eat for three more days and that takes me to the end of the week. So I just need to not eat anything other than that till Friday and it will all be fine. I have two months to get down to 60 again. Because that's when I go back to Cape Town. My bestie, Mik - said that she wants to lose some weight before then so that we can BOTH get hit on. I'm going to be ashamed if I go home and I'm too fat for attention. I need to look like I did. So I've got my thinspo on my phone at the ready, motivated again and ready to go. It's going to be fabulous. My skin looks like shit, probably because I haven't eaten a fruit or vegetable in days. 

I have also decided to keep a separate journal for my boy stories so you guys don't have to listen to that trollip anymore. As an aside, I told this co-worker, Hannah about the pub-owner guy that I hooked up with and she told me today that he kissed some other co-workers friend on Friday night at a birthday party... Now I'm not exactly sure why she told me... like she wanted me to react. Or something?

OH and! I decided to not talk to Roy. I'm not ready to talk to him and move on from the things he did. I think the thing that I'm most scared of is that he isn't going to admit or understand that he did anything wrong and I know that is going to send me into an anger spiral again. He is on my mind still, I dreamt about him last night, dreamt that we had a baby (called James, whom I referred to as Jimmy - EEEUW RIGHT!?). I am pissed off that my dream was affectionate rather than shouting or hating him, or that there was not fat brunette fiancee... it was not an angry dream. I hate it. I hate him. Best idea to not talk to him. Definitely the right choice. 

My motto for the moment is: do not drown in a cup of water. I'm taking this to heart and remembering that I am strong and that I have overcome loads. Being broke and uninspired is just like one more thing, isn't it? I'm not sure what to believe, but I've come too far to fail now. I am going to curl up in bed with an ep of Girls. Lena Dunham understands me. Hopefully my weight tomorrow won't be as pathetic as I know it's going to be. And that my skin will look better. Cheers to 60!

Love & Peace
Xo Xo

6 comments:

Charlie said...

That's such a good saying! It actually really applies to my life right now too, so thank you for that. :)
You're so lovely, and you can do anything you set your mind to!
<3

ꜛⱴאּ Sⱥm ŁupiƝ ҂ said...

THANK YOU FOR YOUR ADVICE.
ahahahahaha. i just ate 300 calories of chocolate. in fact, i am voluntarily planning on eating 1800+ calories of chocolate.
a vegan that doesn't eat fruit or vegetables. this doesn't make sense to me, FP.
"like she wanted me to react. Or something?" EXCUSE ME, HANNAH WHORE. I AM THE AMAZING FAT PIGGY. I REACT TO NO ONE'S BULLSHIT. *coughcough*
GOOD GIRL. NO ROY. EVER.
ewwwwwwww yes.
i don't know what that saying means. pfffffffffffffft.

-Sam Lupin
PS. i love you. x3

Josefine Oehlenschlæger said...

Gosh I miss all of this. Reading you guys blogs and getting response on mine.
I'm just happy that I can still read yours even though I deleted my own blog..

Forget about Roy. I know it's super hard - but he doesn't deserve you thinking about him.

I hope you achive your goal to get down to 60. I share that goal!

Just so happy to read your amazing blog.
Will keep on reading again.

- (That girl / little J)

Ashley Nichole said...

Can you further explain the saying?

Katie Elizabeth said...

Roy isn't worth your time sweetie. In fact, the pub owner sounds like a bit of a whore as well. Hope that doesn't upset you. My skin always looks bad the week before my period, maybe that's it? Stay strong deary.
XOXO

Calla Lily said...

You have a perfect track record - you have survived 100% of every day to make it to today. Keep your motto, and keep your head up! XO