Wednesday, January 29, 2014

Pissed. Off. Piggy.

This week has fucking sucked. The weather is fucking abysmal - and I don't know if it just me, but why the fuck do I always think that I am like... two seconds away from getting fired at all times. Fucking hell. I'm falling apart, not being able to sleep stressed out about this Congress in San Diego. I want to fucking die every time I get to my desk, because there is always some little change or something going wrong. And it's just like managing the chaos all the time. To make matters worse, yesterday morning I weighed in at <wait for it> 62.5kg and then WHAT DID I GO AND DO? I went and binged. So this morning I was back up to 63.3. (OKAY, all things considered, it wasn't too bad for the day after a binge!) I also can't sleep so I have to take sleeping pills to get more than 2 hours of sleep, which OBVIOUSLY I hate. In addition to which, my beautiful temp with blue eyes - the one I am shamelessly crushing on is going to keep working for us for a bit longer which means that I can't like... make a move. Because, I don't want to fuck around the office. I'm so hacked off about it. I also feel myself pulling away... Like I'm pretty sure he is also crushing on me, but whenever he like - does something to show he's interested, I freak out and go ice-cold on him. Almost like 'I'm sorry you may have been misinterpreting this as me being interested' - even though I am - 'I'm going to totally shut down this little gesture just that you don't get the wrong idea.' WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH ME!? He's coming out for a drink on Friday night, which ordinarily I'd be all over, but now... I don't WANT to go drinking with him. And then have it be a thing or make-out, oh well. I'll see you on Monday. I'm over this crushing business. I'm going to force myself to not like him anymore. I hate this. >.<

Foodwise... today has been fine, not great. I had a Starbucks grande sugarfree hazelnut soy latte (148), 200g of blueberries (138) and spinach schnitzels (440) (although it says it's 280g of schnitzel on the wrapping, but then there were 5 portions in and not 4, so I'm not sure if it's actually 550 - let's go with 550 to be safe) for a grand total for the day offffffff: 836. That's a terrible fat number isn't it. OH WAIT - there was tomato sauce too... 900. Gross. Hopefully tomorrow I'll be back down in the 62's. Fuck. This. Life.

Peace & Love
Xo Xo


ꜛⱴאּ Sⱥm ŁupiƝ ҂ said...

abysmal is a hot word. too bad i can't pronounce it.
:( this makes me so unhappy to see you unhappy!
and ugh you and i have similar weights now.
NO FP THAT IS SAD DO NOT PUSH MEN AWAY your relationships with boys are confusing me all the time
i had 2000+ calories of chocolate today. i mean like 2300. to lose weight.
i actually expect to be thinner tomorrow.
THAT is a fat number.

-Sam Lupin

Calla Lily said...

Don't push him away- see how it rolls. You will recover from te binge. Give your body a chance to poo it out and drink a lot of water in case you have fluid retention due to salt intake. Xo!

Katie Elizabeth said...

Awe sweetie, I'm sad to see such a depressing post. I have to agree with Lilly and don't force yourself not to like him. It's your first legit crush in how long? I say roll with it my dear. It was just one binge, don't beat yourself up too bad. You're so close to 60, I know you can feel it. Stay strong.

Finally Perfection said...

Hey FP, I'm so so so late to the party, but am playing catch up. I hope things have improved since January - sorry for my extreme tardiness! x