Wednesday, January 22, 2014

Epiphany.

I realised today... well I dunno if it counts as an epiphany. People consider me to be a strong person and optimistic, cheerful... upbeat. Whatever you want to call it. And mostly it is because of this girl, Megan, that I knew when I worked at this steak house in Cape Town when I was like... 19 or something (and fat, I might add). Anyway, everyone loved her, because not only was she totally beautiful, but she was quirky and really positive. She loved to be happy for other people and I remember since then that I realised that maybe the reason no one liked me was because I was grumpy. A pessimist. I think though that I have returned to a natural state of being that way... optimistic is the wrong word, but like. I don't get too phased about anything, because my attitude is always, meh *shrug* what's the worst that can happen. Or like, oh well - I'll get through it and get it done, because I HAVE to get it done. It's like with work at the moment, like it sucks that I have to work late, but I'm not going to be miserable about it - I'm going to get it done and do it with a smile on my face, because I don't want to get into the habit of hating my job. Anyway, the epiphany (if you can call it that) that I had was that, in the end: You will get through it, because you have to. Suicide, yes. Okay, I've been there twice as you all know, but like - suicide aside, you have to get through shit, so you do and you always come out a stronger person on the other side. I dunno... does that make sense? One of the biggest compliments I've gotten recently was from Anthony (the short Cypriot who was totals in love with me and whom I gave bat, then he went all puppy love cray-cray on me) - he said that I don't take anything too seriously. I suppose that's true. Like no expectations = no disappointment. I dunno - am I making any sense? 

Anyway, let me stop rambling. This morning I was a FABULOUS 63.6kg. Which is a 0.8kg loss since yesterday. Today I've had an energy drink (125 cals) and some lentil curry (400)... now I KNOW that I'm going to gain tomorrow. I've just got a feeling. But it's okay as long as it's still less than 64. 

OH! I'm a bit too tired to type anymore, I just got home from work and it's 9pm (I haven't ACTUALLY eaten the curry yet) - but remind me to tell you about Mikhaila. 

FUCK YEAH & POES NAAI!
Xo Xo

6 comments:

Katie Elizabeth said...

Congrats on the loss dear. I doubt you'll gain from an energy drink and curry. I must say that I enjoy your posts because of how upbeat you are. You're not always so miserable (like myself) and it makes your blog fun to read. Keep up the hard work.
XOXO

ꜛⱴאּ Sⱥm ŁupiƝ ҂ said...

i am a pessimist and for some reason, people found me oddly enlightening. in fact, people like to poke fun at me when i am feeling oddly grumpy or in a bad mood.
this one bloke was asking me if buying me Diet Coke was going to make my mood any better. xD. or sometimes, i would be in such a bad mood that he would 'warn' other people.
YES. YOU MAKE A LOT OF SENSE.
i'm very jelly of you. you're perf. i am not. end of story.
i doubt you're going to gain off 525 calories, you idjit!
who the fuck is Mikhalia

-Sam Lupin

Judith Marie said...

I second what Sammy says. You are not going to gain off that! Helllllll noooo.
Stay positive, you are losing, that's good!
I think attitude has a lot to do with things. I mean, some girls who are ugly, and fat, but are absolutely wonderful people to be around, well those were the first girls to get proper boyfriends, not the skinny bitchy ones. And I am suddenly transported to the horrible days of my high school years.

Run said...

Congrats on the loss. I'm a huge pessimist though people seem find that interesting because I apparently look happy and optimistic and all that jazz.
You're making total sense.

Thinderella said...

Im back on blogger after a long time and I'm SO glad you're still here! What you said about being happy and positive definitely rings true for me big time. I like to put on a happy mask so people will like me. Well done on your calories today love! :)
Ella

Calla Lily said...

Great job with the loss! (sorry for all the comments at once, I'm trying to catch up haha :P) Who is Mikhaila??