I realised today... well I dunno if it counts as an epiphany. People consider me to be a strong person and optimistic, cheerful... upbeat. Whatever you want to call it. And mostly it is because of this girl, Megan, that I knew when I worked at this steak house in Cape Town when I was like... 19 or something (and fat, I might add). Anyway, everyone loved her, because not only was she totally beautiful, but she was quirky and really positive. She loved to be happy for other people and I remember since then that I realised that maybe the reason no one liked me was because I was grumpy. A pessimist. I think though that I have returned to a natural state of being that way... optimistic is the wrong word, but like. I don't get too phased about anything, because my attitude is always, meh *shrug* what's the worst that can happen. Or like, oh well - I'll get through it and get it done, because I HAVE to get it done. It's like with work at the moment, like it sucks that I have to work late, but I'm not going to be miserable about it - I'm going to get it done and do it with a smile on my face, because I don't want to get into the habit of hating my job. Anyway, the epiphany (if you can call it that) that I had was that, in the end: You will get through it, because you have to. Suicide, yes. Okay, I've been there twice as you all know, but like - suicide aside, you have to get through shit, so you do and you always come out a stronger person on the other side. I dunno... does that make sense? One of the biggest compliments I've gotten recently was from Anthony (the short Cypriot who was totals in love with me and whom I gave bat, then he went all puppy love cray-cray on me) - he said that I don't take anything too seriously. I suppose that's true. Like no expectations = no disappointment. I dunno - am I making any sense?
Anyway, let me stop rambling. This morning I was a FABULOUS 63.6kg. Which is a 0.8kg loss since yesterday. Today I've had an energy drink (125 cals) and some lentil curry (400)... now I KNOW that I'm going to gain tomorrow. I've just got a feeling. But it's okay as long as it's still less than 64.
OH! I'm a bit too tired to type anymore, I just got home from work and it's 9pm (I haven't ACTUALLY eaten the curry yet) - but remind me to tell you about Mikhaila.
FUCK YEAH & POES NAAI!