Saturday, January 4, 2014

He Asked Me

I was sitting in a bar with Anthony and he asked me if I was still in love with my ex. The feeling that came over me as he asked me was the same as when Roy asked me if I had slept with Nic. I knew as soon as I said no, as soon as I said that I didn't love him "not anymore" that I was lying. And that I didn't even tell a convincing lie. I haven't thought about this since he broke my heart. How can I still love him? He's a monster. He broke me. My heart. My soul was destroyed and I'll never recover. 

Fear & Loathing
Xo Xo 

5 comments:

ꜛⱴאּ Sⱥm ŁupiƝ ҂ said...

sometimes, things are weird. maybe you don't miss Roy as much as you miss what kind of thing you had together.
it's all so convoluted.
the bod is a confusing place. the mind is even more confusing. sometimes, you give up trying to decipher it because it won't make sense.
oh well.
i hope you're doing well, flower x

-Sam Lupin

Alex IsAMonster said...

I know exactly what you mean by this. I don't love my ex anymore, I don't think. But he is still in my mind. He destroyed me to the point where I was just... broken. I ended up in the hospital for being suicidal. I let him turn me into an insecure, uncomfortable, self-loathing, unhappy, unhealthy person. And I think maybe I'm more upset with myself for letting him, than I am for his attempts to.
Regardless, as Sam Lupin said, the mind is terribly confusing. Sometimes it's better just to not try to understand how you feel, rather than focus on other things.
Stay healthy, beautiful.
-Alex.

NikkiBea said...

They say that when you love someone completely, they take a piece of your heart forever..

With each breakup you therefore forever lose that piece and so on..and with each piece lost you can never love the same..how can you?

How do you get that piece back?

How can you love the same without a whole?

Love can be so messed up..it is a drug...it can be so beautiful too.

You are alive and each day you will be sronger :-)

Screw the assholes!

Katie Elizabeth said...

Sometimes it's just so hard to let go. No matter how bad they hurt us, we continue to love them. I don't know if this says something about ourselves or how we feel about them truly. I hope you find some insight into why you still love him.
XOXO

Twigs Can Fly said...

It sounds like your heart is betraying you. Either way if he broke your heart he's an asshole.

That won't stop you from loving him though. I hope you figure it out soon.

Thanks for following - I've returned to blogging now.