Wednesday, January 15, 2014

We All Wish We Were Kurts.

I didn't really lose this morning... 64.6. So I lost a WHOLE 100g. Go me. Not surprising though, because my fat piggy confession for today is that I ate a whole bowl of popcorn after I signed off last night... so that was at least another 300 cals. Go Piggy. Asshole. Today, I've had... again. Somewhere in the region of about... like. 700? Maybe. I don't know. I definitely did not have more than 200g of chips so 450 plus the ketchup and then on my way home from work, because I had yet again convinced myself to binge I had a packet of bickety crisp things. Which was like.. 250. Or something. Yeah, it isn't good. I figure though that since I've stayed below 800 which is the goal all along that I'm still okay. I unconvinced myself of the binge on the tube home... which was very awkward because I was sitting opposite the HR manager from my old company who sat in on the hearing where I was sacked. AWKWARD SWAN! I think we both pretended not to see each other. 

Work is crazy at the moment, the CEO emailed me this morning telling me that I need to work faster on my current project, which is virtually impossible to do because I'm doing three projects all at once and there is just me. It's just me. I can't go any fast. Impossible. But the plus side of it is that I'm too busy to have to justify doing anything for lunch, so I just skip it. It's really quite awesome to get home from work and know that I haven't ingested a single calorie the entire day. Haven't heard from the cute British boy today... I'm seriously trying to play it cool, but like. What if me playing it cool registers to him that I'm not interested? Anyway. I hate being the weird awkward girl at work. A couple of weeks before Christmas I got absolutely shit faced with these people from work and this dude (the asshole who called me a racist) told me that the whole office thinks I'm weird. I don't know how to be fucking normal around people. I say the wrong things, I'm socially inept. Fuck sakes. 

I did however watch this really fucking cool documentary on Kurt Cobain and Courtney Love called (*wait for it*) Kurt & Courtney. I personally have never believed that she is the psycho killer behind poor beautiful Kurt's death, but after watching the documentary - she is a fucking psycho. I swear to god she did it. The thing that stuck out for me was the word 'harpy' - as in Courtney is a harpy. A woman who takes advantage of a mans weakness and exploits him till there is nothing left. I'm a harpy. Not of men, but of people. I exploit people's weaknesses to my advantage. Maybe I'm a fucking psychopath? It's a shit, SHIT thing to realise that you are more Kurt than Courtney, cuz let's face it. We all wish we were Kurts. I feel inspired to be more excellent. In general. 

Kurt & Courtney
Xo Xo


Katie Elizabeth said...

<3 this post. I should totally look into the documentary. I'm glad you unconvinced yourself out of a binge. That's always a good thing. Hope all is well my dear.

ꜛⱴאּ Sⱥm ŁupiƝ ҂ said...

after some time, i noticed the difference between your blog and i'm just like: yeah im blind
i always change my theme. like every month or something like that if i can stand it xD
a whole 100g lost is better than 100g gained, my love.
AWKWARD SWAN! im sorry nothing else matters after you used that
i forgot how it's like to not eat throughout the day. i just consumed 500 calories of Phish Food.
i hate Ben and Jerry's. i am not happy right now. i actually feel a bit sick from the sugar high i was supposed to be getting. le sigh i suppose.
and what's wrong with werid ds;fkspgsk
*bursts into flames*

-Sam Lupin
PS. i'm sick of all Ben and Jerry's. ugh.

Twigs Can Fly said...

You write very well. I'm socially inept too.

Looking forward to reading more...

Calla Lily said...

We are the socially inept, the cast-aways, the uncomfortable. But at least we have a meeting place to vent and blog, to comment and make friendships, to grow and learn. Keep us update, dear - WE will listen! XO