Tuesday, January 7, 2014

Nothing Changes, Ey?

I know this is a terrible thing to say, but I need to relearn how to do this ED thing and stop eating. Okay, not a fair thing to say. I need to learn to stop eating. I've become too complacent thinking that I have the right to eat!? What the fuck Piggy, you stupid animal. You do not have the RIGHT to eat. You don't deserve food and you don't deserve to be thin. Just starve and be fat. Ugly, STUPID PIGGY!! I want to try and fast again (I haven't fast in AGES) but I'm so scared that I fuck up at work from being hungry all the time. Well, not hungry. I refuse to be hungry, I will be light instead. 

I haven't weighed in a couple of days, because I binged yesterday. It was so weird to have a proper lunch... like, SO weird. But anyway, I'm not going to fixate on my fat ugly day yesterday. Today I have had a soy latte from Starbucks (170), ryvita mini (113), plum (30), and skinny soup (90), OH and a monster absolute zero which comes to 418 for the day. And there I shall stay. 

I will weigh in tomorrow and post if it isn't too hideous. WTF ever, I will post. I must also apologise for not commenting on blogs, I'm going to catch up now. Sorry I'm a fail Piggy. I'm just a fail. A fat fail. 

Fat & Lard
Xo Xo

5 comments:

Loulou said...

YOU are awsome!!!

Oh, hun i wish you could see who and what you are...

*hugging your skinny frame*

(yes, you are skinny. i have the expertise to say so!)

xxxxxxx

Sunshinechild said...

I know exactly how you feel. The past few days have been easy to restrict majorly, because I was so ill over the holidays and my appetite has died. Just buckle down and fast for two days, and everything should get easier from there <3 You can do this

ꜛⱴאּ Sⱥm ŁupiƝ ҂ said...

i did the giggly things when i read your comment on my blog! still smiling stupidly at the screen x
you're an insane girl. of course you deserve to eat. everyone does, m'dear. <3
I HAVE PROPER LUNCHES. and dinners omg.
nooooo you are not fail
and also, yes, you need to read blogs more often. ;D

-Sam Lupin
PS. i love you.
PSS. you are not a fail.

Jax said...

It's really hard to start fasting again, and it's a rough cycle. I respect that you realize your work performance suffers when you're not eating. Being fat sucks (not that you are, you're actually really good looking and thin) but failing at work because of a diet sucks even more.

Best of luck with your new resolutions.
xx Jax

NikkiBea said...

You are NOT a Failure!
Do not give up :-)

You are BEAUTIFUL!

You are STRONG!