Sunday, June 10, 2012

Finally Ready.

So, I am finally ready to stop eating again. Isn't it funny how these things work, when you go through days of binging and you just can't stop, no matter how hard you try. Well, I'm ready to stop. So today is just green tea and peppermint tea. So, I think my week of detoxing is going to be tea and fruit. NO coffee. Not even one cup. I think I will do fruit and tea until Friday. 600 cals and absolutely no more. No carbs, no salt, no fat. A good five or six day detox should do me wonders. I have a house party on the 23rd that I need to be uber skinny and excellent for. Things with my boy are going well again. All my friends are getting engaged and married and it makes me so jealous. I feel like we are healthier. God, I'm so sorry that I'm so weak. I find that when I am binging I don't want to read blogs or look at thinspo because I'm so ashamed and disgusted at myself. But for once my stomach doesn't feel like it's going to explode, so back on-board. :)

I have planted some coriander and chilli plants on my sill. They haven't germinated yet, but my basil plant is growing like a ninja. I will be using some of it to break my detox on Saturday. Maybe some zuchini and basil roasted with tomatoes... maybe :) I also discovered baked banana. I'm thinking that may be my "dinner" this week. A baked banana for dinner with an orange for lunch with an apple or pear, strawberry or something for breakfast. Lots of tea. Lots and lots of peppermint tea. Anyway, more Coco-thinspo - I have a couple more thinspo role models I know. :) Thus far, definitely Victoria Beckham - we all know why. And Coco of course. Because she is so skinny and fabulous. I'm compiling a Twiggy and Edie Sedgewick thinspo edition. I LOVE Edie, I know she was a train wreck, but I feel a lot like her sometimes. I don't want to sound all miserable, dark and self-destructive, but I don't know if i'm the only one that watches things about eccentric women, I feel a lot like them sometimes and it scares me. What scares me a lot is watching Pretty Little Liars, the protagonist - Allison. I can relate so much to her. I feel like I desperately manipulate people the way that she did. And some of the lines she crosses, I could see myself doing to same to get what I want. The way that we punish ourselves to hurt other people, isn't that sick? I mean cutting myself and starving because I know it hurts people. It's kinda fucked up dudes. But then, we're all mad here. And most of the best people often are. I think the great thing about moving to London is that it has given me the opportunity to make friends and be surrounded by people that don't make me feel bad about being crazy. I have one friend that has so many rules and she irritates the hell out of me, and makes me feel bad about everything. No more judgy friends. Only people to make me feel good about myself.

Love & Tea
Xo Xo


Emma said...

Back on-board. :)

It's interesting that we can relate so much to the eccentric women. Sometimes, I feel like I almost idolize them . . . like, see, I'm not alone! I'm not the only kindofsortofmaybe crazy one! I don't know. Sometimes it's just comforting to watch someone like you on screen--as if it adds some sort of perspective.

Glad to hear things are good with the boy again. And I'm sure you will look great for the house party.

WinterA said...

I feel like that today too. I feel like I really do not want to eat and I am not going to complain. I think my body is mad at me for the food I ate yesterday. Let's hope this keeps up so we can easily lose the next 10lb lol.

Love the photos today.

Dylan Leigh said...

The best of luck. I'll have my fingers crossed for you.