My little piglets, I just want to die. I'm so sad at the moment. Sad and fat and miserable. I have been "binging" pretty much since Saturday. It's so disgusting. I am disgusting. I went out on Saturday night and I met the nicest boy who was trying SO hard to get my phone number. And let me tell you. He was fucking GORGEOUS! Like so many kinds of gorgeous, that gorgeous doesn't even begin to cover how cute this boy was. But guess what - I ended up crying to him about how much I miss my boy and how much I couldn't wait to see him in August. What a fail I am. I keep thinking I am okay with us breaking up, but all I do is go through cycles of fine and not fine. Anyway, so yes. Been a-binging. Fucking fat ugly useless miserable horrible rude obnoxious disgusting repulsive stupid shallow pudgy fucking ugly ugly ugly FAT fucking piggy. I hate myself. I want to cut. I want to cut so so badly. I just want to cut. :( And as for the boy - nope, he hates me. He doesn't want to be with me. How can I blame him? I am depressed all the time, I am useless, fat and ugly. I wouldn't want to be with me. He probably has another girlfriend at home, just waiting till he feels like breaking up with me. Then he will delete me from his life. Why wouldn't he. I would. I just want my kitten, my cat always makes me feel better, but now my cat is his cat. So I don't even have that. I have nothing. In this world, I am all alone. I thought I could trust him, but I can't. He hates me. He resents me. All I want is to give him happiness in anyway that I can. Why can't someone want to give me that? Well, I guess it is fairly obvious. Look at me. I should just lock myself up in my flat and just die there. No one would know. No one would care. Would he cry? I don't think so. I think he'd be relieved to be rid of me. No one cares. And most of all he doesn't care.
Sorry about the long emo rant. I'm just so tired of trying to be positive. I move into my flat tomorrow, so I've been shopping for all my goodies. I bought a kettle. What. A. Grown. Up. *cry*
Tears & Blood