I'm just so sick of falling apart all the time. A friend of mine recently started opening up about his problems regarding his emotional... well-being, which as it turns out are exactly the same as the stupid shit that I face. Last night I fell apart. The usual uncontrollable sobbing, cutting, drinking. The usual thing. And then again. Tonight, second night in a row, back to the tears brought on by hearing a coldplay song that I used to listen to on the way to my shrink in Cape Town. Queue the waterworks. Will it never end. The crying, the unhappiness. I just don't actually feel like it is ever going to be okay. I feel like I have nothing to contribute to the world. I feel like I will never be happy. Ever. I mean, sometimes I am okay, but it always comes back to this. I am starting to think that the best solution for me is to die. It just seems like this uphill battle is never going to end and I am just so so tired of fighting it. I am alone in this world. I lived alone and I think it is time to die alone. I'm just so tired.
Love & Tears