Sunday, September 25, 2011

Cycles of Depression

Yesterday was not salvaged. I. Ate. Everything. Including meat - I keep getting guilt tripped into eating meat, because I am bruising so badly - i.e. need iron. Anyway, I feel like it sits inside you and rots. Not like vegetables or soup which move in and out quickly. Meat rots. I have been a strict vegetarian for almost a year now and it made me feel sick and heavy.

Not dwelling on the past. Today liquid 'fast' i.e. coffee, green tea, water, soup and maybe some juice. It's so early though - maybe I will go back to sleep. I definitely want to go for a run or mini hike - the weather is SO nice out.

I have read a whole bunch of blogs referring to Wintergirls. I have never heard of it... before I started blogging. And I'm going to see if I can find a copy of it. Although, I guess if I am honest. I am scared of ana. I don't want ana. I know that I am close enough to it - but... I dunno. Reading about ana, watching docs on ana... It is really scary. I worry that maybe I will get to a point with my 'weightloss' where I can't draw a line.

I think of being super skinny as so beautiful. And the thinspo that I love is super skinny... But there is something about watching these docs that makes it look more scary than beautiful... HAHA obviously the media houses are doing their jobs.

Peace & Love
Xo Xo

8 comments:

missinsanity. said...

i know how you feel. if i get really low (like, super sad) and i eat cheese (i'm vegan), it feels like it just sits there, making me sick.

and i've heard of wintergirls a lot too. we should read it! :3

i hope you feel better. <3

PerfectOxymoron said...

Winter girls is great, I hate the last chapter. Horrible end. Skinny (with the green Popsicle) is good. That one has a good ending. And they are both one's I would recommend reading

Lilah Lee said...

Wintergirls is a great book :) So is skinny as perfectOxymoron said.

I feel the same way about meet... well, red meat. For some reason white meat and fish don't make me feel that way haha.

Good luck with you liquid fast today :) And with whatever you decide to do :)

<3 <3 <3

Run said...

I'm bruising a lot too. I guess my iron medication ins't doing much though it would be better to eat when taking it or not purging throughout the day lol. :P

I thought Wintergirls was okay but I feel Laurie could have done a much better job on the book and made it much more... Just something more. A little like her other books which are better. xxx

Beth said...

Wintergirls is a FANTASTIC book! I actually have a copy of it. If anyone wants it, send me your email addresses and I will send it to you!

It is a MUST read. It literally changed my life and made ANA so much easier and addicting.

Actually, just email me and let me know that you want the copy of Wintergirls and then when you are done with it, email me again and confirm that it was/is in fact, the greatest book you have ever read.

Beth said...

I guess when I offer the email thing, I should give my email address... tee hee (I'm a tard)

elizabeth_toppins@yahoo.com

William said...

Oh diet soda certainly does! Which is why it's awful that my mom refuses to allow me to have it. I'm not sure if it's because she is suspicious or if it's jut a health issue but it's extremely hard to get by her. But coffee helps me quite a bit too so I think I can survive. :) Thank you for wishing me luck as well. :) Stay strong <3

Bella said...

I'd never heard of Wintergirls before either. Beth from Welcome to my Life... have posted Wintergirls. I don't know if it's all of it, but I think, 'cause it's pretty long. You should check it out - http://lovingcfk.blogspot.com/2011/09/wintergirls-enjoy.html

Just stay strong girl! Hold on!