There is this stupid stick insect with no soul in one of my classes and she is driving me fucking insane. In my mind I have developed a torture strategy for her already. First off, I will burn her hair (while still attached) - she has really really nice long super thick brighter than ash blonde hair. SO FUCKING JEALOUS! Then she is super thin and always eating. Our lecturer always brings treats for us and she is always getting more and munching throughout the lecture. Her parents are fuck wealthy and all the hot guys in class adore her. What the fucking fuck!? I hate her. She is so rude as well. And talks about me as if I am not there - talking about what SHE said, or what THAT girl raised. FUCK HER! She thinks she rules to the fucking world. I want to smack her with a textbook. FUCKING STICK INSECT WITH NO SOUL!! I hope she gets fat. She probably won't. She looks like she is just one of those naturally thin people with really fast metabolisms.
After the morning lecture I went to my BFF's place and ALL she spoke about was food. She is about 20lbs heavier than me now, which is satisfying because she has always been the thin one. But on the other hand, she told me everything she has eaten in the last two weeks - cream, butter, meat, eggs, ice cream, desserts, cocktails, sugar sugar sugar. But then again, nothing tastes as good as skinny feels. Mantra mantra mantra.
Which brings me to my next point - what I ate yesterady - SO much. Okay about 750 cals. Felt like a shiton. Which is was. I had a noodle box thang (180), an apple, pesto pasta (250ish) and a bit of mac and cheese - like such a little (200?). I was doing so well. But most nights, by dinner time I am soooo ravenous. But 750 is okay. I'm not overly disappointed. I was 1lb down this morning. If I can continue to lose 1lb a day I will be happy. I can't wait to break 140. Tomorrow I think.
I have only had a cup of coffee so far and almost 2l of water. I am having dinner at my sisters tonight, so that will be a complete 'mare! I am not going to eat anything until then. And then a little plate of food. She is veggie and on a diet, so how bad can it be? As long as I stay under 500 today that will be great, but a small plate of veg stew - 300 tops? So the milk in my coffee was the worst and that was 10cals maybe? So if I don't eat till then I will have some calories to spare. Yay! Feeling motivated to get my ass smaller. I don't look smaller though.. :(
Things are still not right with him. He is depressed or something. He gets drunk on the couch every night. I can't help but think it's my fault for putting pressure on him financially. It will be better when I get a job I think. It may be time for me to look for a place of my own. I dunno, I dunno. I don't want to leave him, but how long must I compromise my happiness. And if it is my fault, then I want him to be happy. I am going to reassess this at the end of my exams. It goes so well, then all of a sudden something will happen and it's all fucked.
I got an inspired idea from Skinny Ninny for Shakira thinspo. However on further investigation, she isn't really thinspo material, except in that gold 'suit' from loca. Nonetheless, her stomach is FUCKING AMAZING!!!!! ... and her hair. :) :) Thanks everyone for the support and comments. Trully AMAZING you all are. I need an email address or something for this blog, because I would love to actually email yall more. Trully inspired!
Love & Courage