Friday, September 2, 2011

I hide from my kitchen

Blah - nothing new to report today. My scale still hasn't arrived. I had about 750 calories yesterday. Been well behaved all week and it is starting to show. Can't wait to get my scale and do a full recap on my weight and measurements, starting to feel like I'm getting there. I'm still really motivated and staying strong. I haven't binged all week and going to try to not drink this weekend so I don't firstly consume all the calories in the booze and secondly so I don't feel like shit and end up binging - I always feel sorry for myself when I am hungover. Tomorrow night is a big party and the theme is white, so I can't binge because white makes you look fatter - I am already fat - so chances are that I will end up looking like a whale (instead of a porpoise) if I binge. Only soup today and tomorrow.

In other news, I find myself at home all day obsessing about my weight. It is pretty much all I think about and I get upset if my friends don't notice. :( I find that I sit upstairs in bed ALL day and I run in and out of the kitchen to get green tea and water. Although I just put some soup on the stove. But run in and run out. It's like when I eat, I gobble it up as quick as possible. Like if it's gone, maybe I can forget that I ate it. And when it's gone I can run back upstairs to get away.

Currently looking for a part time job. Need to start my essay, but I can see myself writing it the night before. Internship next week. Hope it goes well.

Peace & Respect X

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