Tuesday, September 6, 2011

Why don't I just die already?

I mean I may as well. I realised today that my life is going absolutely nowhere. I am such a fat ugly bitch that once my boyfriend dumps me, I may as well go crawl in a ditch with a hobo and hope they will take me. I fuck everything up. With the exception of about 2 friends, the rest are self centered dickheads that talk about themselves and when I stop replying to their useless rants about their lives, they will ask me something about my day or my activities, when I reply they take it as an opportunity to continue on about their lives. Hello? Drowning over here? I realised that why my first suicide attempt failed was because I drank too much causing me to throw up, this time - just sleeping pills. Fought the urge to cut myself today. Almost started crying at this place I am interning at. It's not like they will hire me when I finish varsity anyway. So why not? I feel like a fat self-loathing worthless pathetic useless piece of shit. I really should just die.

Today's intake has been okay. Half a gallon of water, cup of coffee with fat free milk, a disgusting amazing chocochino (it was from a  machine, so I can only assume there was a landslide of full fat milk in it), two yoghurt chewy things and an apple. I think I am done for today, but I may have some soup later. Don't feel like it. Just want to go to sleep and hope that I don't wake up. My copy of Fear & Loathing in Las Vegas arrived today. I can't wait to start reading, but I have a paper due next week so I can't. Which means this weekend is no partying. Although I did promise my boyfriend that I'd stop drinking because it is clearly causing problems, why? I'm not ready to talk about it. Probably the reason he wants to break up with my fat ugly face. I guess the time will come when I just give up. It's coming.

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