So much of what I see in the world is accompanied by the label 'fat'. I'm kinda trying to think of the succinct way of describing this... I mean. Okay, I watched this movie recently called Factory Girl, all about Andy Warhol and his superstars. (Also let me state that I really hate Andy Warhol)... Actually, let me remove this from brackets and have a Warhol rant. Andy Warhol is everything that I hate about people. He is the pseudo intellectual type of representation that everything has to have a deeper meaning, but it doesn't. Truly for Warhol I believe that he really did see everything in a pop-art kind of way. That was just his vision of the world, but for what he represented, it tries too hard to be unique and different. Art is everything, everything is art. By making everyday objects into art, you are forcing people to seek a deeper meaning into something mundane. That isn't making art simple. It's complicating reality. I don't know if that even makes sense. But I loathe Andy Warhol. It's like when people say they only read literary fiction. It makes me want to fucken slap a bitch. ANYWAY, so in this movie they used the word chic to describe everything. And that is how I label things. I won't eat something, because it's 'fat'. I won't have short hair, because it's 'fat' or wear flared tops or empire line tops, because they are 'fat'. I won't ever buy things at the store like bread or sugar because those are also 'fat'. And I think that any kind of involvement of fat things in my life will make me a fat person, therefore there is no room for them. Do you know what I mean? It's like a while ago everyone used the word 'gay' to describe things. It had nothing to do with actual homosexuality, but it was just gay. It's kind of like that. It doesn't make a person fat, but it is a fat thing. I dunno. I feel like I'm not explaining myself properly.
ANYWAY, so yesterday was quite a high day due to some early morning eating. It was around 800 cals for the day. Thus far today I have had about 150, coffee with honey, blueberries and a petits filous. These petits filous are fucking amazeballs since they are super tasty, filling and low in calories. I found one in the store yesterday that is like pudding for 75 cals per serving. I mean, I can have pudding for low low calories. God Bless England. Today, I shall have a couple carrots for lunch type thing and definitely more coffee. Dinner will be soup. I am aiming for about 700 for today. I saw my doctor yesterday who told me that because my BMI isn't below 18 I don't need to go to the ED clinic *happy penguin dance* - although at the same time I was vaguely insulted, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. I also did not get to weigh myself. So the end of this month when I get paid, I am getting a scale. I can't do this for much longer. HOW MUCH DO I WEIGH!? Anyway, she says it's good that I am controlling my binges and not cutting. So progress is being made, even though I'm still restricting. I don't really plan to stop restricting soon. I don't do fat. As I said. I think if I can get to my UGW and just stay there, it will be fine. I will never be fat ever again. No matter what.
Fat Love & Peace