I have been binging for the last three days. Since Monday. Essentially. Since the shoot, which was great. I could have been thinner. I was totally disgusted because of the three men in that studio, two asked me out before I left and the one was SO forward. Like hand on leg shit. MAN, I like fuck right off buddy. Jesus. Anyway, so they offered me a contract and the photos actually looked good, so I am thinking I may look around a bit because paying for a portfolio is expensive :( - anyway. So I have been eating rubbish for three days. It's not like. Big binge. But definitely more than 1000. WAY more.
I need to start looking for a flat now. It's so hot in London, I think I am going to drink in the park later. Fuck, I really don't feel like flat hunting. I'll do it next week. Or maybe the week after. Maybe, I am on target financially this month, more or less. So it should all be fine fine fine. There is something strange happening with the boy... it's like he is unsure again, because I am planning my trip down in September/October and he needs to think about whether I can stay with him. I thought we moved past this, really. Honestly. Whatever then. I know what I want. I am living my life. I'm tired of people holding me back. And if he doesn't want me like I am, then that's fine. It is going to suck, but I will move on. The guy from the agency called me a 'fairy'. I want to go more blonde. I am not feeling this half blonde thing... Maybe picture time. Right, it does look a little blonder than the pic, but not much. They say cuz my hair is so long I shouldn't bleach it first time, rather do it graduallly with highlights. So this is what I am doing.
I'm feeling very stressed and conflicted. I need to find my own place. Immediately.
Love & Sweat