Wednesday, May 23, 2012

Random F. A. T.

I have been binging for the last three days. Since Monday. Essentially. Since the shoot, which was great. I could have been thinner. I was totally disgusted because of the three men in that studio, two asked me out before I left and the one was SO forward. Like hand on leg shit. MAN, I like fuck right off buddy. Jesus. Anyway, so they offered me a contract and the photos actually looked good, so I am thinking I may look around a bit because paying for a portfolio is expensive :( - anyway. So I have been eating rubbish for three days. It's not like. Big binge. But definitely more than 1000. WAY more.

I need to start looking for a flat now. It's so hot in London, I think I am going to drink in the park later. Fuck, I really don't feel like flat hunting. I'll do it next week. Or maybe the week after. Maybe, I am on target financially this month, more or less. So it should all be fine fine fine. There is something strange happening with the boy... it's like he is unsure again, because I am planning my trip down in September/October and he needs to think about whether I can stay with him. I thought we moved past this, really. Honestly. Whatever then. I know what I want. I am living my life. I'm tired of people holding me back. And if he doesn't want me like I am, then that's fine. It is going to suck, but I will move on. The guy from the agency called me a 'fairy'. I want to go more blonde. I am not feeling this half blonde thing... Maybe picture time. Right, it does look a little blonder than the pic, but not much. They say cuz my hair is so long I shouldn't bleach it first time, rather do it graduallly with highlights. So this is what I am doing.

I'm feeling very stressed and conflicted. I need to find my own place. Immediately.

Love & Sweat
Xo Xo

6 comments:

WinterA said...

I am glad the shoot went well. The guys hitting on you does not surprise me. I can only imagine how many other women they told that. Although I love that one guy said you look like a fairy ^_^ Like the cutest compliment I have ever heard.

You hair turned out beautiful. I can actually see you going blonder. It's going to look nice. Yes do it steps, I did it all at once and my hair broke off so bad 0_o

I hope flat shopping isn't too stressful for you. Keep us updated and stay strong. You are doing great.

Judith Marie said...

I knew your shoot would go well! Go you! And chill out for a bit, a flat can wait another day. I'm sure you didn't binge too badly, what you call a binge is probably what a normal person would call a normal meal.

And I can totally see you going a bit blonder! I think you'd look quite nice as a blonde! I'm also a little jealous because I could never really be a blonde. And you have lovely long hair!

Hope the boy sorts himself out soon.

Much love,

Judith Marie

Miranda said...

Congrats on the contract! As for your BF; what is his deal? It's not rocket science. Well...maybe to him it is. Either he wants you to be with him or not. Hopefully he figures it out soon.

EllieMS13 said...

Well done on the shoot !! Thats great :) as for the men well shows your looking good :) the binging at least it's only 3 days ! I binged for a week ! I've stopped now so it's okay :) enjoy flat shopping :) think thin :) x

Jinx ANA UnRiddled said...

Awesome, I'm so jealous about the photoshoot! And hey, take it as a compliment - they thought you were sexy! Yay for you (even though you are taken, it's still nice to be desired right?)
And don't put off the flat hunt... It's a bad habit, I've got it too.
Plus, your hair is really pretty, it looks healthy. The thing about dying it heaps is that it turns to straw; I would know, having been blonde (light and dark), brown, black, purple, red, orange, yellow.... Make sure it's what you want. :)

Little Miss Thin ♥ said...

Your hair looks lovely! I wish I'd gone blonde gradually, half my hair is like straw. I'm so glad the shoot went well you sexy panda <3