So, the boy and I are finished I think. He has till later today to make up his mind about what he wants. But I'm tired of this. And even though it hurts, I need to look out for myself now. I am a sexy piece of ass and hopefully someone will love me. I feel like the constant negativity coming from that relationship is holding me back. Saying that, if he can commit to changing that, then I will give him one more chance. I am finished with being hurt like this. I don't deserve it. On the plus side, no one is pushing me to eat moreeeeeeee. So ladies, I am reinstating the 600-a-day rule. YAY! I am going to see if I can make it one whole week without going over that. :) :) I have decided that my new thinspo is Coco Roche, cuz she is devilishly skinny.
Yesterday, I went for some quiet reflection time in the park, because it was a beautiful day and I sat on a tree stump and I thought about the things in my life and how I feel about them. I am happy with my job - writing - I am not happy that it doesn't present networking or socialising opportunities, but I am going to take a aerial art class, because I have always wanted to do that. First things first though. Find somewhere to live. I'm not overly concerned about networking right now, since I don't really have money to socialise. But I am going to keep staying away from alcohol. And also, with the boy. I'm okay if it doesn't work out now, I need to remove the deadwood from my life to make room for more. And if he refuses to move forward with me, then he must stay behind. The last six months have been really difficult in terms of trying to find a good space in my head to exist in. So, now that I am getting somewhere, my boy makes me want to hurt myself and I don't want to do that anymore. I also don't want to eat more. So, I'm not going to.
Coco & Love