Friday, May 25, 2012

This is it.

So, the boy and I are finished I think. He has till later today to make up his mind about what he wants. But I'm tired of this. And even though it hurts, I need to look out for myself now. I am a sexy piece of ass and hopefully someone will love me. I feel like the constant negativity coming from that relationship is holding me back. Saying that, if he can commit to changing that, then I will give him one more chance. I am finished with being hurt like this. I don't deserve it. On the plus side, no one is pushing me to eat moreeeeeeee. So ladies, I am reinstating the 600-a-day rule. YAY! I am going to see if I can make it one whole week without going over that. :) :) I have decided that my new thinspo is Coco Roche, cuz she is devilishly skinny.

Yesterday, I went for some quiet reflection time in the park, because it was a beautiful day and I sat on a tree stump and I thought about the things in my life and how I feel about them. I am happy with my job - writing - I am not happy that it doesn't present networking or socialising opportunities, but I am going to take a aerial art class, because I have always wanted to do that. First things first though. Find somewhere to live. I'm not overly concerned about networking right now, since I don't really have money to socialise. But I am going to keep staying away from alcohol. And also, with the boy. I'm okay if it doesn't work out now, I need to remove the deadwood from my life to make room for more. And if he refuses to move forward with me, then he must stay behind. The last six months have been really difficult in terms of trying to find a good space in my head to exist in. So, now that I am getting somewhere, my boy makes me want to hurt myself and I don't want to do that anymore. I also don't want to eat more. So, I'm not going to.

Coco & Love
Xo Xo


11 comments:

Me Destruit said...

Good for you! I am proud of you x

the outside in to thin said...

Don't let a boy put a damper on your day nor dreams. I'm positive you will find love. Love is not meant to be difficult it just is. Goodluck missy you seem to know what you want ! Xx

Wings to Set me Free said...

You are strong and beautiful and I am so proud of you. Keep it up.

Judith Marie said...

I can't help but get the impression that the boy is standing in the way of you getting in the way of you starting your new better life. At any rate, whatever makes you feel happy.
And you don't need a boy to love you! I love you! I'd totally turn lesbian for you!
-Judith Marie

Tatyana said...

Now it sounds like a fresh day and a new start. I love it, good darling, good. Sometimes it has to hurt more so that you can actually heal. It'll get better in the long run, just stay with your decision and be honest to yourself.

Stay positive!
<3 <3

annamaria said...

I like how you know what is good for you and don't let a guy mess with that! I wish my friend realised the same thing, it hurts to see her like that..
good luck on this new start, believe in you and always feel free to drop me a message if you feel like it!!

Miranda said...

Good for you. You should never have to feel like you are forcing someone to stay with you. You surely deserve more. If he doesn't want you someone who is better for you will.

WinterA said...

I know you are making the right choice and a hard choice. I had to do that to guy once. It was very hard but I know I am better off. I do still think about him from time to time but I do not regret my decision.

You are going to be okay. You are so strong. He will feel stupid when he realized what he let slip threw his fingers.

Emma said...

Good for you--you are strong! Hang in there and keep your head up. <3

Katie Elizabeth said...

Good for you for sticking up for yourself. I am glad you realized what you need to do for you and your life. Congrats.
XOXO

By All Means said...

Girl i cant agree more about not having guys in our lives that hurt us. Out with the negative! You are fabulous and will find someone equally as fabulous!