Sunday, May 27, 2012

What Would Coco Do?

I was looking through my fb pics and even though they are lovely, because I got skinnier over the years instead of fatter, I also realised how mutha fucken boring I have become. I literally used to go out 5 nights a week. I had a ton of friends and I had so much fucking fun. What the fucking fuck has happened to me?? SERIOUSLY!? What the fuck has happened TO ME!? Jesus. Okay, well I can't drink, because it messes with my prozac, but to be fair, all I ever really needed was a joint. But fuck it man. WHAT THE FUCK IT WRONG WITH ME!? So I have decided to get back to that. I am going to go out somewhere at least three nights a week. There was this thing I used to go to at the National Portrait Gallery and I'm going to start going to those. It's like a late night thing thing. I used to draw and have fun. And now I just fucking suck. What the fuck has happened to me.

Anyway, so yesterday I got a bit side tracked with my intake, because I got hungry. But my intake ended up being around 630 so I didn't go TOO far over. But those damn pudding cups. I didn't have soup or my last cup of coffee. I had a can of tuna and THREE pudding cups instead. Luckily they are only 75 cals each, so a pudding cup binge ends up being little anyway. Nonetheless. The plan for today. Only two cups of honey coffee allowed. I've had a petits filous already. Then soup for dinner. Grapes for lunch. I should end up at below 600. Maybe another pudding cup :D :D :D. Maybe. What would Coco do? She probably wouldn't eat the pudding cup. So maybe I won't be having the pudding cup. I don't know. Anyway. Mission, more fun. Here I come. I need to make new friends. New interesting friends.

Life used to be so simple. Goddammit. Fuck balls. More Coco below. I <3 her... Clearly :p

Coco & Love
Xo Xo


Katie Elizabeth said...

I used to love to go out constantly. Now I have no desire to because I freak out if there is food involved. Keep your head up sweetie.

WinterA said...

Man you are lucky to have gotten skinner. I am trying to do that myself.

Don't feel about not having many friends. I know I do not much friends. I use to go out at least once a week but since I got married they stopped inviting me as much. I also stopped talking to certain people who are not really good friends not even social buddy status.

Yeah you didn't go over to much and I can understand the being totally hungry factor. I was like that 3 days ago and it was awful.

Tatyana said...

Before I didn't go out so much... well I had no one to go out with. But since I got into university things have changed... my first year I was ok size and got out a lot. Now the second year is coming to an end and I've been stuck the whole year with the weight I put on summer. So not cool!! But I do go out, I just simply say no to the food if I don't want it. Unfortunately it has been me more recently who has suggested to go and get something to eat.

Just go out, staying in turns always to be a catastrophe... at least with me. ^^ Well it give something else to think about and there's always skinny people around at night who motivate.

Stay positive!!

Judith Marie said...

oooh, brave call my fair lady! I'm terrified of going out. When I go out with friends it always means dinner and drinks and dessert which also means waaaaay too many calories. Why do all my friends have to be such foodies! Having an ED is so isolating.
But yeah, go do the art museum thing! That sounds awesome! You're so lucky to be artistic. I do stick figures and even that's pushing it.
The 630 thing, such a non-issue! Chew a little more than usual, those 30cal will be nothing!
Yeah, if I keep thinspo in my mind, I don't have an appetite either. So no to pudding!

Bella said...

Hi :) Sorry, I just started reading your blog, and I always feel a little creepy on new people's blogs!

I read your last few posts and it sounds like you're in a similar place to me in terms of getting rid of negative boyfriends and figuring out what you want to do with *you*. I've had no friends and no life outside of the house for two years now, between my recently-ex-I-think-boyfriend and my eating disorder. I know reading and writing blogs doesn't seem like much social activity, but it's more than I've done for two years - let alone party and drink and smoke (well, I still smoke). So hi :) Sorry, I'm gonna creep your blog now!

Love from Australia,

Me Destruit said...

Is that what you guys call reading peoples blogs? Creeping? Lol, ack! I guess I've done some creeping lately then! Sorry! But, how else do newbs make friends, right!?

In -simple, straight to the point- answer to your question: Anorexia happened to you. Or ED NOS, or Bulima, whichever... SHE happened to you. But, I think you know that already.. She makes us thin, but in the process, she shoves away all of our friends, isolates us so we don't have to eat anywhere and by the time we get 'thin enough to have a bf', or 'thin enough to be have fun', or 'thin enough to make new friends' etc etc, we're skin and bone and lonely and isolated, but we take it, because we can sit with our skeletal bodies and count our ribs and put 3 fingers inside our collar bones and hook thumbs on our pelvis and that makes it all worth it and all okay... Right? Or.. am I wrong?

*Shrug* it makes me wonder.. But not enough to actually stop doing this to myself, heh.

Pretty thought provoking entry for me, apparently.. sorry for the mega long comment... take care x


P.s- I LOVE how you have your comment box come up and you know before posting if you have those annoying non words to type, plus it lets you choose to have follow up comments emailed to you - I'm *terrible* for finding replies to comments that I left! I just lose them! - how did you DO that!? Lol