Friday, November 11, 2011

*face palm*

I am slowly coming to terms with the fact that my relationship is over. O. V. E. R. And strangely, I am still okay with it. I also have realised that I still have a dirty crush on his friend. *sigh* But when I was in London I was the fuck buddy of a guy who broke things off with me so he could date my friend. I don't want to be THAT guy. So no. I am not going to go there. As much as I really want to. SHUT UP - DON'T BE THAT GIRL! He is so hot though. My current is more or less the same height as me and weighs only 1 kg more. SO I always feel like a nasty fat giant, but the friend is taller and bigger. I saw him yesterday and flung myself at him saying hi and he just caught me. I didn't feel like I was going to knock him over. I take it back, I don't really 'like' him, I think I just want a good time guy and he is nice to me. *SIGH* Fuck fuck fuck. What am I doing? GODDAMMIT!

I got my period yesterday and it was brutal stomach ache and pain and horribleness. I am ever so slightly less bloated today but still bloated. I binged like a mad person yesterday. Ate cheese and carbs carbs carbs. FUCK FUCK FUCK! Then I drank, which makes me look more fucking bloated. And I am definitely drinking again tonight so that won't help. I weighed 61.2 this morning which is FUCKING FATASS FUCKING HORRIBLE, but I didn't gain after the binge so that's good. :) :) Today I haven't eaten so far. I picked up some cheese out of the fridge and was about to shove it in my mouth, thinking 'it's not a big piece - it won't matter.' I was fucking disgusted at myself. That was my fat girl mentality. And as we ALL know - when it rains, it pours. So if you feed yourself early in the day, you just keep going. I threw that fucken cheddar back in the fridge and had some tea instead.

Tonight I am going out to this club where you get hit on a lot. I like it sometimes for the confidence boost. Last time I went I met that 22 year old engineer. Remember him? Anyway. My boys friend is hopefully coming with. WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING PIGGY!!!! We always have such a fun time when we are drunk. Hopefully I can find him a girl to have fun with. Good thing about that is that it removes the temptation for me, because he will be busy. with someone else. Anyway, so I think I shall fast today and just have me long island ice teas. Hopefully I will be in the 60's tomorrow. I can't believe I am only 3lbs from my goal weight. What a journey this has been. 15lbs in 2 months. Isn't too bad.

WOW and WELCOME to my new followers. Everytime I log on I see more and more of you guys. Please feel free to mail me or comment. I do try to check out everyone's blogs. AND if anyone has heard from Beth please fucking tell me. I am a little worried.

Peace & Serenity
Xo Xo


lulani said...

Oh love, you're only three pounds away!! I'm so glad for you, keep up the good work :) Fuck it all and have a good time tonight, I'm sorry things aren't working out with the Boy, but you are young, be free and have fun with whomever you wish!!

Stay strong & hugs!

Sam Lupin said...

THOSE PERIOD TIMES ARE A BITCH. i'd eat the whole kitchen.
for good reason though. those cramps and bloat and crap just makes me want to eat the entire world. and more of it.
CHEDDAR. cheese is like...the most evil thing in the world.
<3 THREE LBS! OMGOSHHHH. i am so jealous. i am nowhere near my FIRST goal weight. fuck me. x3.
<3 <3 <3
love you loads, as you do know.

loyal [sometimes] husband, George DiCaprio.

A.beautiful.mess said...

Three pounds away is beyond amazing :)

And most of the time, I don't want a relationship. I love the attention (when I actually get it) but they do not make me want anything more.

I was supposed to go partying tonight and I was so keen because I wanted to dance and get dressed in my high heels and be stared at. And most importantly drink and flirt ALL night long. LOL this paragraph sounds so bad.

I also got my period - damn mother nature.

Zoie said...


By All Means said...

Whoo your doing great! Maybe I'm just an awful person but I would go for the friend if it was just a good time I was after. I dunno, part of me can be so selfish sometimes; but i do totally understand why you don't want to. Keep focusing on your goals!