Sunday, November 27, 2011

I don't know what to do...

... I just want out.

I am so lonely. I need weed or sleeping pills. I just need to not feel like this. Fuck. I am contemplating the best time to do it. I just don't want to put my family through it. I am scared that I won't die, I couldn't handle the rehab process again.

I need to find out how to do this without failing.

I binged yesterday. 61kg today. I'm sure it's just food weight.

Sadness & Despair
Xo Xo

8 comments:

Englishrose said...

"this too shall pass" sometimes it feels like the world is against you but things can get better honey all you have to do is believe in hope just one more day its shit now yess but what about the future? u can achieve anything please just talk with someone ( msg me anytime) ur not alone in this
xx

désespérée de maigrir said...

Eventually, it will get better, I promise. Please go talk to someone you trust or find a support group. The world seems so lonely and full of darkness sometimes, but you are not alone and I'm sure you have many blessings in your life. Try to keep your chin up and keep swimming.

Emma said...

Even when we find an "exit" sometimes it's not the right way to go. It will get better, life will get brighter darling. Please hang in there. We're all here for you *hug* This is just another road block but like all road blocks there is always another route to take to get to where you wanna go <3

A.beautiful.mess said...

I'm so sorry you feel so rotten. It's horrible how people can get under our skin and influence us so much. I wish I didn't care so much sometimes.

December and January are the worst times for me. I get so lonely and so down.

I've felt so low sometimes and the only thing that has stopped me is that I haven't wanted to hurt my family and I haven't wanted to fail because that will only mess things up more.

Stay strong lovely one. I hope you find someone to talk to or you find something to brighten your mood.

Lots of love
Xxx

RachaelxxStaYSTroNg said...

"Everything will be okay in the end; if it's not okay, it's not the end."
I hope you get through this. Your family would rather suffer through the pain of helping you deal with your problems than the pain of losing you. Hang in there <3

By All Means said...

Things always get better. I know that's so cliche but I've found it to be so true. No matter what was going on in my life I learned to focus on myself not others and I could make it better. I hate that "time heals all" cause I'm so fucking impatient but it's true also, one day your just gonna wake up and it won't matter as much anymore. We're all here for you lovlie. Take care!

Zoie said...

weed makes everything all better

Judith Marie said...

no. 1. it is food weight, don't worry. it's definitely food weight.
no.2. Please don't kill yourself. I feel like the world's biggest hypocrite saying that because as you know I'm highly suicidal. There are lots of reasons you shouldn't kill yourself, first and foremost, I need you to live! I think you're amazing. You totally inspire me to lose weight and you give me so much support. I don't know what I'd do if you weren't here.
Things can only get better for you. Your life is starting afresh now that you are out of that relationship, give it a chance. Chin up pretty lady, things will be better soon!